Losers
Four over-educated slacker's from Seattle lose at life and love, until Oscar meets the woman of his dreams.
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The End?
I think your previous attempt was a little closer, it showed what was standing in Oscar’s way. Story is conflict and in the logline it is important to get across the main conflict..
Upon meeting the woman of his dreams a slacker must overcome (Whatever it is his friends are doing that is standing in the way of their relationship)
Like the premise, good luck with this.
Yeah, that feels about the right shape for the logline. The woman is the stakes, the friends are the obstacle, and we need to know what he’s going to do to (basically) get past them, to her.
(Oh, and you’ll want to pull that apostrophe out of there, too…)
I’m not sure you need to reference “Four slackers.” You might consider writing it this way.
“Oscar, an over-educated Seattle slacker, continues to loose at life and love until he meets the woman of his dreams.”
“When an academic slacker meets the woman of his dreams,
he attempts to overcome failing at life and love, before he losses her forever.”
Its not important to include the allies, names or location. This will all come out in the script.
A simple logline will help you not get cluttered further down the screen writing road and also determine if you have a concise concept. : )
The friends are important if they are the ones trying to break up Oscar and the girl he meets. From the previous attempt at a logline that was my impression of the story. (Unless I just misinterpreted the logline)
There is no conflict in that carllord. The logline needs to show what is standing in the way of Oscar’s goal.