A White Feather
Haunted by his past, a chance encounter forces Matthew to face his truth as he battles to survive the trials of the First World War.
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Some questions to ask yourself and to help include in a revised logline:
What is he haunted by ??
What is the chance encounter ??
Who is Matthew ?? (Be specific without using a name.. (“… forces a (weakness)** soldier to…”))
What is he fighting ??
What is the truth ??
What is the trial of the first world war ??
Adding specifics defines your story and makes it unique..
Happy writing 😀
Tor
This logline would help if you were more specific.
“Haunted by his past…” doesn’t really tell us anything. Haunted by the death of his mother, Haunted by his past as a hitman, would tell us more.
“a chance encounter forces Matthew to face his truth…” Because we don’t know what is haunting his past we don’t have any clue as to what face his truth means.
“…as he battles to survive the trials of the First World War.” I am not sure how this relates to the first part of the logline. It almost seems out of place. Of course if his past is haunted by an overbearing father who was a General in the army, then we might understand how the first part of the logline relates to the second part.
If you were more specific, your logline would be greatly improved,
Hope that helped, good luck with this!