When a shy high school girl with supernatural power(when furious,she can control a person’s mind,but experience unbelievable pain afterwards)discovers that her gift is caused by a delusional doctor switching her pills in hope of using her as a powerful weapon for shady deals,she must fight to expose him and to protect her brother from the same fate as well
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Being able to control people’s mind from a doctor’s experiment. A teen must expose the doctor to prevent her brother’s treatment.
Try to be brief. Detail comes when you are asked for a synopsis.
Saving her brother is a better goal, I would just drop the “Expose the doctor” angle from the logline.
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“When she receives the ability of mind control after a delusional doctor switches her pills, she must now use her new ability to save her bother who is being held also.”
Agreed with Richiev.
In the interconnected world of today, exposure means very little. So many things are being exposed every minute of every day that most people have become desensitized to sensationalist click-bait. If anything, you would need? the doctor thrown in jail instead of merely exposing him.
Regardless though the logline is too long, the above suggestion is a good re-write as an improvement but I believe the story starts after her brother is kidnapped.
My try:
After her brother is taken by a mad scientist, a paranoid schoolgirl with mind control powers must use her ability given to her by the culprit to put him behind bars.
If she can control people’s minds — including the doctor who “gifted” her with that supernatural power — what’s to stop her from doing whatever she wants to whomever she wants to exact revenge, get justice or whatever? ?Like the title says, she’s invincible.
And being invincible, there is no obstacle ?or threat that can stop her from doing whatever she wants to do. ?Which is to say, the story seems to lack the important dramatic element of suspense.?
INVINCIBLE -?An obese high school virgin with diabetes who stays home all day and plays online chess hones her powers of telekenisis until one day she’s exposed by the CIA and forced to use her power to help them capture a deadly Russian gang of Mind Terrorists