Posted: 2013-02-20T06:12:09+10:00 In:

Jake has drugs to pick up in Chicago, and Leah thinks they?re sharing gas across the county to see family, but when Leah finds out the truth she picks up a rock and throws it at Jake?s face. With no money to get them home, and an appointment to keep with a drug dealer the couple teams up to finish the job.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      I agree with Monique. I think you have too much here. Distill it down to the bare bones. In her example she used ‘reluctant’ drug dealer. It’s always good to give a quick one word description to your main character, especially one that denotes a flaw.

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    2. “she picks up a rock and throws it at Jake?s face” – this made me chuckle.

      Logline rule = drop the proper names unless you’re writing about an historical/well-known figure.

      What are the elements of your story?

      Protag = Jake, the drug courier
      Antag = drug dealer?
      Goal = get to Chicago on time
      Stakes = death by drug dealer?
      Hook = ?

      My stab at it. This isn’t your story but there needs to be a hook/irony that separates your story from similar stories.

      When a reluctant drug courier is tasked with delivering a special package cross-country, he and his feisty passenger race against time while being pursued by a dirty DEA agent.

      Hope this helps.

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