bE a mAn
Jake has drugs to pick up in Chicago, and Leah thinks they?re sharing gas across the county to see family, but when Leah finds out the truth she picks up a rock and throws it at Jake?s face. With no money to get them home, and an appointment to keep with a drug dealer the couple teams up to finish the job.
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“she picks up a rock and throws it at Jake?s face” – this made me chuckle.
Logline rule = drop the proper names unless you’re writing about an historical/well-known figure.
What are the elements of your story?
Protag = Jake, the drug courier
Antag = drug dealer?
Goal = get to Chicago on time
Stakes = death by drug dealer?
Hook = ?
My stab at it. This isn’t your story but there needs to be a hook/irony that separates your story from similar stories.
When a reluctant drug courier is tasked with delivering a special package cross-country, he and his feisty passenger race against time while being pursued by a dirty DEA agent.
Hope this helps.
I agree with Monique. I think you have too much here. Distill it down to the bare bones. In her example she used ‘reluctant’ drug dealer. It’s always good to give a quick one word description to your main character, especially one that denotes a flaw.