Posted: 2013-03-24T12:23:03+10:00 In:

Logline: From the depths of a life filled with torturing abuse and slavery; this 90 lb. frightened human being goes on in life to conquer United States Marine Corps bootcamp. This is a story of perseverance and courage and is based on my true story. "Forrest Gump" meets "G.I. Jane". Writer: Floyd Kelly Genre: Drama

From Meadowlake to Man

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    5 Reviews

    1. Floyd, a 90 lb. weakling and victim of abuse, slavery and attempted murder – finally escapes his miserable home-life and mistakenly joins United States Marine Corps bootcamp. This is a story of perseverance, courage and hope as Floyd battles the rigors of bootcamp and his own internal anguish. Will he become a United States Marine? Based on a true story. “Forrest Gump” meets “G.I. Jane”.

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    2. Singularity

      Start with the incident made the protagonist join the marine corp.

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    3. I have never done this before; so what do I do next? This is the only Logline I will ever publish. I’m 20 pages into the screenplay.

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    4. Singularity

      I am a firm believer you shouldn’t tell the conclusion of a movie in a logline.

      “goes on in life to conquer United States Marine Corps bootcamp”

      This sounds you are telling us that he has achieved his goal. If so there is no point in watching the movies since we already know the end.

      Leave somethings a mystery.

      Hope this helped. love the idea

      Good luck with this!

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    5. Samurai

      I’m going to overlook the fact that this is “based on a true story” – as it gets difficult for outsiders to grapple with what you eventually decide will and will not be important for your story, and instead I’ll try and look at this as a story like any other.

      What I like about the logline above is the very clear goal for your protagonist: GET THROUGH BOOT CAMP. It’s not over-reaching, it’s not unobtainable, but it is something that given the right level of stakes, could be a real triumphant moment.

      I think this particular logline gives us way too much information. Every man and his dog will tell you a different way to write a logline on this site, but I think the simplest way really is: “When (the inciting incident) happens, a (flawed protagonist) must (achieve this goal) before (the stakes of failure occur).”

      So, looking at the above; I don’t know much about your main character. Is his greatest flaw going to be his timidity? Does he need to overcome his fear? What else can you tell us about the character?

      What specifically sets the story in motion? What is the event which makes your protagonist declare: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I’m going to join the army!

      And finally … what does it mean if they don’t make it through boot camp? Is the army an escape from a soul-crushing fate?

      I think the toughest part; the hook, for me is there. It’s a simple story about the triumph of the human spirit told on a small scale. It’d probably get my money at the box office.

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