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bryson
Posted: December 29, 20122012-12-29T12:17:08+10:00 2012-12-29T12:17:08+10:00In: Public

Losing their home and wearing out their welcome with friends, a married couple devise a plan to become temporary residents at a hotel

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    5 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2012-12-29T14:32:20+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2012 at 2:32 pm

      This is a good start but you might try a few changes.

      First, why must they devise a plan to become temporary residents at a hotel? Isn’t that what Hotels are for?

      Who or what is standing in their way?

      What are the consequences of failure?

      Still, this attempt isn’t that bad, a few clarifications and it should be there.

      Good luck

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    2. bryson
      2012-12-29T15:28:55+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2012 at 3:28 pm

      Thank you for your feedback. Most valuable.

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    3. gman902105
      2012-12-29T16:06:56+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2012 at 4:06 pm

      Change temporary to permanent (even if you know it’s temporary) that may setup the conflict for your idea and the logline a bit easier. Also what richiev says works as well.

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    4. Liam Farrell
      2012-12-29T23:45:59+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2012 at 11:45 pm

      think “wearing out their welcome with friends” is unnecessary.

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    5. screen&writing
      2013-12-29T11:30:56+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2013 at 11:30 am

      Think about challenge ? for example: they want stay for free in those hotels. This is a conflict (they vs. staff) and driver for your plot.

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