Rabid
Mauled by a rabid dog, a truck driver stumbles down the road to a nearby trailer park and begs for help. But when the residents refuse to come to his aide his condition worsens and he becomes a ruthless killer.
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This has the makings of an interesting idea however there are a couple issues with the logline.
First: I see this a lot in loglines. the logline describes how a character travels to a plot point, instead of just telling us a plot point.
We don’t need to know that he stumbles down a road to a nearby trailer park in the logline. how he travels to a plot point is just extra words. (Keep it in the script, just not the logline)
“After being mauled by a rabid dog a truck drivers begs the residents of a nearby trailer park for help.”
Second: You haven’t told us what the lead character wants or what is standing in his way. I like that we’re seeing the story through the eyes of the killer but he still has to have a goal and conflict in reaching his goal.
Anyway, hope this helped, I like the idea, good luck with this!
Hey Richiev,
Thanks for the suggestions. I wasn’t actually intending to tell the story from the killer’s POV so your comments have proved helpful in making me think of another way to do this logline.
Perhaps, something along the lines of:
“When the residents of a trailer park refuse to help a rabies victim his condition worsens and he becomes a ruthless killer. Now they must stop him before the virus spreads.”
I agree with the first part of Richiev’s comments. Save the word count by omitting anything that is unneeded. We don’t need to know he stumbles to a trailer park because you can just put ‘asks for help from residents of a nearby trailer park’.
However what the character wants, I presume, is help and his obstacles are that the residents won’t help him. At the midpoint if his character goes through the transformation his wants become to kill the residents for not helping him and them fighting back is his obstacle.
The logline still needs work and it is a tough one to work on due to the complete change in the character but I think you need to hint at both and keep an outright goal which remains present throughout the film. It starts as wanting help, then killing the people but deep down what he really wants is to survive/make his delivery/evade capture etc etc.
Hey Richiev and Kriss,
Thanks for the suggestions. I wasn?t actually intending to tell the story from the killer?s POV so your comments have proved helpful in making me think of another way to do this logline.
Perhaps, something along the lines of:
When the residents of a trailer park refuse to help a rabies victim his condition worsens and he becomes a ruthless killer. Now they must stop him before the virus spreads.?
There will be multiple protagonists in this movie and one semi main character. The characters goal will be to stop this killer before the virus spreads throughout the trailer park infecting the protagonists friends and family.
The second logline is better. It makes it clear the movie is from the point of view of the residents, although I don’t think you need to say “His condition worsens”
“When the residents of a trailer park refuse to help a rabies victim, he becomes a ruthless killer and now they must stop him before the virus spreads.”
Hope that helped, Good luck with this.