Ice Cream Revolution
Milk is the least of her worries as a matriarch struggles to keep the ice cream flowing ? she has teenage kids and a revolution to contend with.
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If your protagonist’s goal is to keep the ice cream “flowing” (which ice cream doesn’t do unless it’s melted, in which case why would you want it?), I don’t think that’s an interesting enough thing to attempt to hold my attention for 90 to 120 mins. Also, what is at stake?
If your protagonist’s goal is to keep the ice cream “flowing” (which ice cream doesn’t do unless it’s melted, in which case why would you want it?), I don’t think that’s an interesting enough thing to attempt to hold my attention for 90 to 120 mins. Also, what is at stake?
Thanks. That is really helpful. I will have another go. Thanks
Thanks. That is really helpful. I will have another go. Thanks
The latest draft of the logline is clearer but still lacks a few crucial elements.
Firstly no need to name the main character best to leave her as an Ice cream shop owner, young widow or mother of 3.
If the back drop of the story is the Egyptian revolution and this is mentioned in the logline then it needs to be used in the logline (and therefore the concept) in a way that it affects the plot.
As it stands right now the MC could be placed anywhere around the world and the story could still happen. How does the revolution force the MC to make decisions and make choices? The revolution could give you a good force of antagonism and provide the MC with ongoing obstacles.
Secondly what is it that starts the story off in the first place? What event happens to the MC in other words what is the inciting incident that drives her to take action and achieve a goal? And what goal is she trying to achieve?
Hope this helps.
The latest draft of the logline is clearer but still lacks a few crucial elements.
Firstly no need to name the main character best to leave her as an Ice cream shop owner, young widow or mother of 3.
If the back drop of the story is the Egyptian revolution and this is mentioned in the logline then it needs to be used in the logline (and therefore the concept) in a way that it affects the plot.
As it stands right now the MC could be placed anywhere around the world and the story could still happen. How does the revolution force the MC to make decisions and make choices? The revolution could give you a good force of antagonism and provide the MC with ongoing obstacles.
Secondly what is it that starts the story off in the first place? What event happens to the MC in other words what is the inciting incident that drives her to take action and achieve a goal? And what goal is she trying to achieve?
Hope this helps.
A strong Egyptian businesswoman must abandon her marriage to save her children amid a revolution.
???
A strong Egyptian businesswoman must abandon her marriage to save her children amid a revolution.
???
Thanks Richiev, your comment made me go back. Below is an updated logline. Better?
Amina frustrated by life joins the revolution leaving an arranged marriage and her mother, as she struggles with an ice cream shop and a cow rustling son.
Thanks Richiev, your comment made me go back. Below is an updated logline. Better?
Amina frustrated by life joins the revolution leaving an arranged marriage and her mother, as she struggles with an ice cream shop and a cow rustling son.
The story takes place in the modern day during the Egyptian revolution.
The story takes place in the modern day during the Egyptian revolution.
This logline is confusing, not sure what the story is about other than ice cream
Just curious, when does this story take place?
This logline is confusing, not sure what the story is about other than ice cream
Just curious, when does this story take place?