tittle:_? impenetrable? the desperate high school teacher kidnap his student and ask her family huge amount of money for his only daughter for cancer diagnosis
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Remove the title. Get you back a few words.
A desperate teacher kidnaps a student from a wealthy family to get money to pay for his daughter?s chemotherapy.
You should also mention the word “ransom” in Craigs version, which sounds good.
In a logline it?s better, to begin with, what sets the story in motion rather than end with it.
?When his daughter contracts cancer, a desperate?teacher??
To fund his daughter?s cancer treatment a desperate teacher holds a student from a wealthy family for ransom.
Richiev gave me an idea…
“When his daughter contracts cancer, a desperate teacher kidnaps her rich student only to discover he knows her and chooses to cooperate instead”
reason: he is fed up of his parent’s *detrimental ways of spending their money…..he saw a better use
*saving a life is certainly better than throwing expensive wine parties
A conflict could arise when his parents decide not to pay instead ______________
possibly end into his parents realising their error and with their generous donation, the successful treatment of her daughter
everybody’s happy
An audience may sympathize with the teacher’s dramatic problem, but I doubt they will sympathize with his solution, kidnapping an innocent person for ransom, victimizing one of his own students.
So the protagonist is, in effect, an anti-hero.? Anti-hero stories are? difficult to pull off.? Vince Gilligan did it quite effectively in? “Breaking Bad”.? I would suggest studying that series, particularly the pilot episode, for how he pulled it off.
fwiw
Anti-heroes are tough, when done well they’re great because they’re rare but otherwise, more often than not, they fail to engage an audience.
You would have to work extra hard to set up an otherwise hopeless situation so that his crime is seen, by the audience, as doing the wrong thing for the right reason. I should know, just finished directing a short I wrote about a guy doing the wrong thing for the right reasons.
why “impenetrable”?