Renee’s turn
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
Renee must convince her group to stick to the plan in a future reality show where people die and the only reward is survival.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
Sounds very much like hunger games. What is your Inciting incident? Who is Renee? These will give it more personality then just being the run of the mill dystopian reality show. Remembering that battle royale, running man, the condemned, gamer and hunger games are all similar plots. I want to know what makes this different.
Renee-This tells us nothing about the character.
must convince her group to stick to the plan — Without knowing what the plan is this is just confusing.
in a future reality show where people die and the only reward is survival– Not bad but as Houston said this could be interpreted as ‘The Hunger Games’ because of how broad of a description you have given us.
I believe with a few more specifics you can work this logine so the reader will have a better idea of what the story is about.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
I have a game mechanism I am building a story around. Sounds like the wrong way to approach it I know. But the game relies on everyone making decisions for the greater good. As soon as one person makes a selfish choice everyone starts to suffer. This was a game we did as part of an Criminal Intelligence course I did (previous life). No matter what happens someone always tries to make a self-interest decision. That is the rules of this world.
You’re correct, it is a busy genre and I think I have interesting take on it.
Inciting incident? Not sure. Could start the logline with “After…”.
I’ll try and find a way of getting character and incident in the line, but I don’t want to trip over the “too long” crowd.
Thanks for the feedback.
It seems still a little too vague.
Traditionally you don’t put names in the logline: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/
(Because names means nothing and you have do condense a lot of information in a few words).
“The Running Man” meets “The Hunger Games meets “The Maze Runner” (and a lot of other movies!!).
So let’s look at those three loglines:
The Running Man (1987):
“An unjustly accused prisoner in 2019 is given a slim chance at freedom if he enters a battle-to-the-death on a television game show. (Rotten tomatoes)
The games playground is divided into several small districts!!
The Hunger Games (2012):
“Set in a future where the Capitol selects a boy and girl from the TWELVE DISTRICTS to fight to the death on live television, Katniss Everdeen volunteers to take her younger sister’s place for the latest match.”
The Maze Runner (2014):
“In the post-apocalyptic era, a boy who remembers only his first name wakes up in a huge maze, surrounded by other boys. They attempt to unlock the secrets of the maze and gain their freedom.”
Nestled somewhere in between The Hunger Games and Divergent series is The Maze Runner. Like those two, it?s centered around young adults and set in a futuristic society. “Lord of the Flies” meets “Cube” meets “The Hunger Games”.
GIVE ME THE SAME THING, ONLY DIFFERENT!
So ‘what’s’ your story really about, and ‘what character flaw’ sets the protags/antags apart from the characters in the in the above loglines? Is the girl unjustly accused from ‘something’., is she a natural born leader? What sort are earthly world are leading characters living in? etc…
” Renee, a natural born leader, …..
.
Hi Craig as you can see from the above comments the mechanism of game play is irrelevant especially in such a prolific genre. No matter how interesting a game and how challenging the rules are your audience will be ahead of you once they realise the genre. That will happen with in the first 10 minutes of the film or more importantly within the first 10 pages of reading the script.
I think best to focus on the character her flaw and her inner journey as these are the only things that will set this story apart from its multiple iterations in other films.
Hope this helps.