Posted: 2013-08-11T06:54:24+10:00 In:

Seven year old JR nearly unwishes his talking Teddy Bear, Threadbare Fred Bear, until Fred (his guardian angel in disguise) takes him on a trip through the wishing tunnel, dodging wishes coming true, until they reach The Wish Factory where they watch elves, angels and The Big Guy manifest hopes, dreams, wishes and prayers.

The Wish Factory

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    6 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Is your story a 115 pages screenplay, or its a short story for 60 pages, 10 pages?
      What is a story goal? To watch how is main protagonist taken by an angel into wish factory where he watches elves doing their job?
      There is no plot which I would like to watch in that.
      Seven year old boy’s wish turns his teddy bear into a killing machine and to stop him massacring his own family , he has to get into elven wish factory and destroy it.

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    2. Penpusher

      Hi,

      I know how frustrating it can be to have everyone want to know what your film is about without reading your script but sadly that’s what the logline needs to do. Really it just needs to spell out that there’s a person, something happens to them and they have to go on a journey to ‘solve’ the situation (and in doing say undergo some sort of transformation).

      Without knowing what your film is about I can only make a condensed logline up:

      “After a young boy starts to lose his belief in Santa Clause, a talking teddy bear takes him on an adventure to rediscover the magic of Christmas before it’s too late”

      Granted what I’ve written is fairly terrible but gives you an idea of the formula. You should really throw in the obstacle/antagonist but I’m not sure who that is in your story. Maybe his step mom is an evil witch who wants to destroy Christmas…

      Good luck

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    3. Singularity

      correction: (the stakes)

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    4. Singularity

      >>>he story certainly is about being positive
      How?

      And once, again, who is the protagonist? What is his objective goal? What does he stand to lose (the sakes) if he fails?

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    5. Everybody unwishes their wishes. That’s why they don’t come true. The answers to your questions occupy 110 pages of an animated feature film script. Unwishing is certainly negative. The story certainly is about being positive.

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    6. Singularity

      Who is the protagonist? If it’s JR, what’s his objective goal? What does he want? (Unwish is a negative, not a positive act. Why does he ‘unwish’– whatever that means?)

      What’s at stake — what does he stand to gain if he succeeds, lose if he fails?

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