Sleepless Judge
Sleepless Judge is a comedy action about a corrupt prosecutor who became victim of corruption himself after a wealthy banker who has an eye on his wife let him fall into an ambush after which he gets in jail for bank robbery, to prove his innocence Chris must find withheld evidence, for achieving this goal he needs help from some other immates who are also victims of his corruption practices.
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Yes, English is not my first language. I’m living in Holland. I have only one last question to you Debbiemoon. What genre will fit to this story? I was thinking (as you can read in the first post) about a comedy action, but now I think a thriller or action is better. What do you think?
The grammar is a little shaky (would I be right in thinking English is not your first language?) Changing your version just enough to tidy up the grammar, I’d make it –
A corrupt prosecutor becomes a victim of corruption himself, and must find withheld evidence that will prove his innocence – which he can only find with the help of his victims.
As for the story concept: I’m not sure I’d go as far as a wow-factor (but that’s just my opinion, of course). I think it’s a solid story concept with good use of irony (he has to turn to the people who hate him both for help, he’s both corrupt and the victim of corruption). If I saw this advertised, I’d probably think “yeah, I’ll go and see that” (but probably not “I ?must? go and see that.”)
But that’s just one person’s opinion…
Debbiemoon, what do you think about this:
A corrupt prosecutor who become victim of corruption himself
must find witheld evidence that will prove his innocence that he
can only with the help of his victims.
But what do you think about the logline? Is it attractive? Does it have a WOW-factor
and is it making you curious about the story/movie?
That’s a lot better. I think you could be a bit more specific about the purpose of the evidence: “must find the evidence that will clear his name, that he can…” etc
Present tense for loglines, so “becomes a victim of corruption”
You are both right.
I changed and shortened it to:
A corrupt prosecutor who became victim of corruption himself must
find withheld evidence that he can only get with the help of his
victims.
Is this better?
Yup, definitely too much information crammed in there. It sounds to me like it boils down to something like… “A corrupt prosecutor is framed for robbery by a banker who lusts after his wife. To prove his innocence, he must turn to the people he himself framed…” (But in your own words, obviously.)
That has some potential: there’s irony there, and a potential ticking clock…
OK I commented, it says I must verify my e-mail or await moderation but I didn’t receive an e-mail: This is what I said.
It took me a while to decipher what you had written, it was a bit confusing.
After being imprisoned for a crime he didn?t commit, a prosecutor must rely on the very inmates he convicted to prove his innocence.
It took me a while to decipher what you had written, it was a bit confusing.
After being imprisoned for a crime he didn’t commit, a prosecutor must rely on the very inmates he convicted to prove his innocence.
What the f…?
Too confusing and who the hell is “Chris”?
Okay, can you give us – main character, inciting incident and main character’s goal – and we’ll see where we can go from there.