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pat21532
Posted: August 15, 20132013-08-15T03:09:26+10:00 2013-08-15T03:09:26+10:00In: Public

Spoiled rich girl spends to much on her daddy's credit card and is forced to get a job to pay off the debt. While working she falls in love with a coworker who shows her the value of a dollar.

Working Class

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    10 Reviews

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    1. MichaelHag Penpusher
      2013-08-24T11:25:41+10:00Added an answer on August 24, 2013 at 11:25 am

      the love story is a nice offshoot/benefit of her working hard!

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2013-08-16T08:40:20+10:00Added an answer on August 16, 2013 at 8:40 am

      Another thought: Spice the story line up with not only a ticking clock (deadline) but a rival whom initially seems more worthy of the trust fund, but come to find out is a two-faced scoundrel.

      fwiw.

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    3. pat21532
      2013-08-16T07:48:16+10:00Added an answer on August 16, 2013 at 7:48 am

      I didn’t think of that but will run with both of them and see where it takes me.

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2013-08-16T06:54:03+10:00Added an answer on August 16, 2013 at 6:54 am

      Why not both?

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    5. pat21532
      2013-08-16T04:03:40+10:00Added an answer on August 16, 2013 at 4:03 am

      i was doing some thinking and i going to rewrite the logline as i am thinking of going into a different direction with this. I am thinking that instead of getting a job to back back a debt she she has to egt the job before she is allowed to get her father fortune since he just passed away. I needs some work but will add it once it is done thansk so much for the reviews

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    6. dpg Singularity
      2013-08-15T08:28:51+10:00Added an answer on August 15, 2013 at 8:28 am

      But that’s a different story; she becomes the victim instead of the perpetrator of her own predicament.

      What Richiev said: the “B” story may be essential for the story, but it’s incidental for the purpose of the logline.

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    7. Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
      2013-08-15T08:20:17+10:00Added an answer on August 15, 2013 at 8:20 am

      ^ agreed with above. Otherwise, if you do want to focus on the love story, you need to simplify the catalyst:

      “After her family loses their fortune (somehow), a materialistic socialite falls for the overworked fry-cook at the burger joint she is forced to take a job at.”

      The second part is wonky, but you get the idea. Also – there’s nothing fresh or original about “spoiled rich girl.” Tell me more – what makes her spoiled? Is she, as I’ve suggested above, materialistic? Morally bankrupt? An airhead?

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    8. Richiev Singularity
      2013-08-15T08:08:24+10:00Added an answer on August 15, 2013 at 8:08 am

      How about this?
      —–
      “After spending to much of Daddy’s money, a spoiled girl, is forced by her father to get a job or lose the trust fund she’s set to receive on her eighteenth birthday.”
      —–
      (Because this is a story about a spoiled girl having to get a real job, I don’t believe the logline needs the love story angle as well)

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    9. dpg Singularity
      2013-08-15T04:20:47+10:00Added an answer on August 15, 2013 at 4:20 am

      Good question. What if the spoiled brat refuses to pay it off? What’s the penalty, the consequences, the ‘or else’? What’s does she stand to lose if she doesn’t pay it off?

      Also it would ratchet up the tension to add a ticking clock, a deadline to pay off the debt, or else the penalty kicks in. So: what’s at stake, what does she stand to lose if she doesn’t pay it off by the deadline?

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    10. Christopher Penpusher
      2013-08-15T03:36:25+10:00Added an answer on August 15, 2013 at 3:36 am

      How is she forced?

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