Tentative Title
The host of a wildly successful all-star television variety show finds himself trapped in a virtual world full of limitations and hardships… OUR world.
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You have given us a situation not a story. However it seems like an interesting situation.
1: What does your lead want
2: What is standing in the leads way
give us those two things and you will have a story.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
So what’sthe host’s problem? Is that Our World exists in a different dimension to ‘a wildly successful all-star television variety show’? What I’m getting at is that your logline should clearly state the protagonist’s problem, the goal he needs to achieve by the end of the story and what stopping him achieving it.
“When the host of a wildly successful all-star television variety show magically breaks the fourth wall and crawls out of a TV screen into the real world, he must navigate the grimy world of TV show business in order to find his way back…”
A flabby example but I think it demonstrates the points I’m making.
Good luck with the logline rewrite.
So what’s his problem? Is OUR World a separate dimension to his ‘wildly successful all-star television variety show’? What I’m getting at is that you need to clearly state what the problem is in the logline, what goal does your protagonist have to achieve by the end of the story, and what’s stopping him achieving it?
What is the host’s problem? Is that he is magically whisked out of the fun of the TV set into the dark and dirty real world?
“When the host of a wildly successful all-star television variety show breaks the fourth wall and magically climbs out through a TV screen, he must navigate his way through the grimy real world of TV Show business in order to find his way back…”
A flabby example, but I think it demonstrates what I’m getting at.
Good luck with the logline rewrite.