The memories of his last leave and a chance encounter with his lost love inspire a British Officer to survive the last months of War so he can return to England and live the life with her he always dreamed of.

Richiev is on the money.

My thoughts:

This is overall TMI, IMO (acronym much, Pitchpatch?). Like a pleasant but unexciting first date, you put it all out there, leaving no sense of mystery, no sense of intrigue. And we have no reason to call you tomorrow.

Loglines aren’t meant to showcase beginning, middle, and end. Save that for the synopsis, outline, and treatment. Typically, LLs describe the hook/teaser and the Act 1 turning point, maybe hint at the midpoint developments, and the rest should hang enticingly in the air, infuriatingly vague but ripe with potential.

So, let’s put the clothes back on your LL and only put out enough to whip the reader into a frenzy.

“Haunted by a lost love, a British Officer dreams of winning her again — if he survives one final mission during the last months of the War.”

Your LL suggests the the story focuses on what happens in those last few months as the War (WWI or WWII?) winds down. I’ve noted elsewhere: ‘to survive’ is a wimpy, vacuous motivation. Generality sucks the life from LLs.

We can tweak it a little by hinting at WHAT will try to kill him: one final mission. Hackneyed it may be, as story consumers we instinctively know final missions always goes awry and Very Bad Things happen to the protag. We know the hero will go through hell to get to heaven — his reward being the opportunity to start fresh with his lost love.

Like Richiev, I need a clear and present purpose to get me invested. If you briefly tease us with a unique and thrilling “mission” instead of leaving it generic, all the better: I’ll illustrate with an easy one:

“Haunted by a lost love, a British Officer dreams of winning her again… if he survives one final mission during the last months of the War: assassinate Churchill.”

BOOM! Are you kidding me? That raises so many delicious questions! Is she the one who wants Churchill dead? Is it the oppose: she’d revile him if she found out? Who gave him this traitorous mission? Why must Churchill fall?

See how a two-word reveal can kick your LL into the realm of high concept? Okay, so maybe your story doesn’t need such a gimmick. What you do need is a logline that bleeds excitement.

NOTES

* “return to England” — we know he’s British so we can leave it implied.

* “memories of his last leave and a chance encounter with his lost love” — both broadly brushstroked by “haunted by his lost love” or similar.

* What’s missing in the original LL: a sense of urgency and stakes; a suggestion of the specific problem he faces; a hint at how he will be tested by this story, what he must overcome internally to be the man he must be.

Best of luck, Greg.