Emily and the Dragon

RichievSingularity

# Tired of being told she doesn't take risks, a nerdy mathematician creates an ingenious problem and proclaims; slay the dragon, get the girl.

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i like the basic idea, but here’s my problem… The best loglines give a real sense of what will happen in the story. “James Bond must bankrupt a terrorist in a casino” or “a lawyer can’t tell a lie for 24 hours”. What your logline suggests to me is that the movie will consist of nerds doing math problems. I’m sure it won’t be, but…

So, how can you give a better sense of what the action of the story is in the logline?

This sounds like an adventure. But there are still some aspects that are not clear. For instance who actually tells the mathematician that she doesn’t take risks, is it the mother, teacher, student? You need to bring more light into that. Then the ingenious problem created, i guess is supposed to be related to the profession- mathematics, so how does it get to be connected to a dragon and finally the girl mentioned in the last line is not explanatory enough. You need to make it clearer enough to capture a reader at a first time glance. You need to also define the problem the character is about to solve and in all you will have a wonderful logine that will guide you further.

Thanks for your reply, Both the reason for not adding that the problem was a math problem and not saying that she named the math problem “The Dragon” is for repetition sake.

Saying she’s a mathematician implies she would create a math problem. Saying she created a problem called the Dragon, naming the story, Emily and the Dragon and telling the guys, slay the Dragon get the girl, would repeat the word Dragon three times.

So If I can find a way to clarify in the logline without repetition I will gladly do it.

That is a good point debbiemoon. The problem presented in the story is, she doesn’t take risks, the solution is creating the math problem but I haven’t given any risk,

Emily is a freshman in college, both her roommate and a guy she turned down for a frat party invitation, tell her the same thing. College is where you take chances, do new things. You aren’t supposed to study on a Friday night or read books all the time. Live a little.

The story follows two characters, both Emily and David (The guy who solves the problem) I chose to concentrate on one character for the logline, since Emily is the one who sets everything in motion by creating the math problem I chose her.

Of course, if she was a geneticist, she could create a real dragon. Now *that* would be a fun movie! Okay, not what you’re going for. But still… ðŸ™‚