Outside the Man
Alan SmitheePenpusher
Two cultures live side-by-side with little to do with each other until the sins of a white man force the laws of his unknown heritage.
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This logline is way to vague, I’m not sure who’s the lead character, I have no idea what’s his or her goal, I don’t know who or what is standing in the leads way, or even what culture or time period this story takes place.
Add these elements to the logline and it will improve.
Hope that helped, good luck this this!
This logline is way to vague, I’m not sure who’s the lead character, I have no idea what’s his or her goal, I don’t know who or what is standing in the leads way, or even what culture or time period this story takes place.
Add these elements to the logline and it will improve.
Hope that helped, good luck this this!
Privilege clearly dictates that it’s the white man who is the lead character…
Privilege clearly dictates that it’s the white man who is the lead character…
What about –
When the body of the Mayor’s son is discovered on the reservation, the local cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.
What about –
When the body of the Mayor’s son is discovered on the reservation, the local cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.
What about ?
When the body of the Mayor?s son is discovered on the reservation, the local cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.
What about ?
When the body of the Mayor?s son is discovered on the reservation, the local cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.
That attempt is much, much better, how about adding the word reluctant
When the body of the Mayor?s son is discovered on the reservation, the reluctant cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.
That attempt is much, much better, how about adding the word reluctant
When the body of the Mayor?s son is discovered on the reservation, the reluctant cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.
The rewrite is much better than the original. I like Richiev’s suggestion as well. Is it possible to add a more antagonistic force? I can imagine that there would also be reluctance from the people of his past as well.
The rewrite is much better than the original. I like Richiev’s suggestion as well. Is it possible to add a more antagonistic force? I can imagine that there would also be reluctance from the people of his past as well.
Thank you!
Thank you!