WGA Registration Number: 1680921 An older black woman who suffers from insomnia. She is afraid to fall asleep because once she does she is placed inside a real life threatening situation that she must save the ones involved or they will all die. She tries to convince friends what is happening… They think she is loosing her mind and want to put her into a mental asylum to get help…The only way she is able to awake is when they are brought to safety…..

Question

Dee Barrett

Posted: October 9, 20132013-10-09T00:49:42+10:00 2013-10-09T00:49:42+10:00In: Public

WGA Registration Number: 1680921 An older black woman who suffers from insomnia. She is afraid to fall asleep because once she does she is placed inside a real life threatening situation that she must save the ones involved or they will all die. She tries to convince friends what is happening… They think she is loosing her mind and want to put her into a mental asylum to get help…The only way she is able to awake is when they are brought to safety…..

INSOMNIA

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6 Reviews

Richiev · Answer 1 · 2013-10-09T04:21:24+10:00

This seems more of a synopsis than a logline.

While it sounds like an interesting idea, you haven’t stated a goal for the lead character and what action you lead will take to achieve that goal.

Once your lead character has a goal it will make it easier to create a logline from this synopsis.

Hope that helped, good luck with this!

LoglinesRUS · Answer 2 · 2013-10-10T05:24:24+10:00

Dee, I agree with Richiev. This is not a logline as much as it is a synopsis. A logline should be 35-45 words with no sentence breaks. Also, consider not including the WGA registration. This is the no.1 No-No for writers.

Interesting concept. I look forward to seeing the rewrite of the logline if you choose to.

Nicholas Andrew Halls · Answer 3 · 2013-10-10T10:11:01+10:00

You’ve been too vague, so I don’t know what your story is about. Your protagonist doesn’t want to sleep because her life is in danger? In what way? How will she “save the ones she loves”? What must she do? Who or what is threatening their lives? Why is this character the one who must save them? I’m so confused …

Screenwriters Anonymous · Answer 4 · 2013-10-14T07:24:55+10:00

Agreed – including the WGA# screams “amateur” so make sure you exclude this from your submissions. Also you need to consolidate your story into a one (no more than two) sentence “elevator pitch”. Here’s what I’ve whipped together using your submission and making some assumptions:

“Rita suffers from insomnia, but only because she refuses to sleep where each minute in REM feels like a lifetime spent deep in her psyche. In this dream state, she must save friends and family from death that is ultimately mirrored in the real world.”

This is a quick winger, but hopefully it could serve as a template that will need tightening through several iterations.