Penpusher
Posted: 2015-06-15T19:51:22+10:00 In:

When a car – jacking goes wrong a young gang banger is pitted against police, but when the governors daughter is kidnapped he will be given one last chance at redemption.

Small Fish Big Pond

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    4 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      I really don’t understand why you use “but” like this in a logline. this is totally new to me. Try to put the elements in the standard order at first, then you can push the style a little bit. When you use the standard order you can easily spot story problems and test the concept.
      When [INCITING INCIDENT OCCURS], a [SPECIFIC PROTAGONIST] must [OBJECTIVE], or else [STAKES].

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    2. Penpusher

      Thanks
      When a gang banging teenager is caught in a violent gun battle his whole crew is killed, however when it is revealed that the governors daughter has been kidnapped, he will have one last chance at redemption.

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    3. Singularity

      Of all the people the governor would turn to for help, why the teenager? What makes him so special? Why would the governor allow him to go free?

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    4. Penpusher

      The lone teenager is picked because he has had previous dealings with the crooked ministerial militia that is responsible for the governors daughters kidnapping.

      Kind of like Micheal Douglas in Black Rain. He can hit the mark and take him out.

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