I have the pilot for this show up on Amazon Studios so I’m interested in help improving the log line.
When a cash-strapped suburban family decides to host a foreign exchange student for extra money, their hyperactive son Marty goes into panic mode when the exchange student he's sharing a room with turns out to be a space alien who may or may not be planning an invasion.
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Compelling logline–clear, imaginative, unique. The only piece that stuck our for me was the “hyperactive” comment about Marty. That may make for interesting character development but I can’t see how that connects with the rest of the logline. Is there something about him being hyperactive that allows him to be more perceptive about the “foreign exchange student?” I have actually hosted a foreign exchange student and it is a very jarring experience at first getting used to someone from another culture. Although it was a great experience there was an initial feeling of disorientation when we realized we had invited a complete stranger to live in our home so it would be easy for me to imagine people passing off an alien’s odd behavior as simply a cultural disconnect. I am assuming that you will explain how the family is making money by hosting this student–I don’t think people normally get paid for hosting a student.
Interesting concept, i’ll just add that I think you could shorten the logline by changing may or may not to “he thinks” (is planning etc etc). says the same thing but makes it a bit shorter.