Mentor
Posted: 2015-04-16T18:09:49+10:00 In:

When a deadbeat wakes up trapped in a alternate reality, he is shocked to discover he's there to help a small resistance take down an alternate version of himself who rules with seemingly God like powers.

Mirror Mirror

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      When a deadbeat wakes up trapped in a alternate reality– When a deadbeat is transported to an alternate reality

      he is shocked to discover– He discovers

      he’s there to help a small resistance take down an alternate version of himself– Me must help a resistance overthrow an alternate version of himself.

      who rules with seemingly God like powers– who rules with godlike powers

      However I would switch the order around just a little
      —–
      “When a deadbeat’s transported to an alternate reality, he discovers in this universe he rules with tyrannical God like powers and to save the people he must help the resistance overthrow the alternate version of himself.”
      —–
      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      Great comments from Richiev I will only add that the antagonist needs to be a bit more specifically referred to as an alternate version of him self as appose to himself and it is still too wordy.

      e.g:
      When a deadbeat is transported to an alternate reality, he discovers that there his alternate self rules with tyrannical God like powers and he must lead the resistance against the tyrant to save the people.?

      Hope this helps.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      Good re-write Nir

      • 0
    4. Samurai

      I like it. But you could even cut a few more words in the middle:
      When a deadbeat is transported to an alternative reality where his alternate self rules with tyrannical god like powers, he must lead the resistance to safe the people.

      I like this idea. Just going off this logline I would be interested enough to read the script. So that’s a job well done.

      My only suggestion would be to include one more specific and interesting detail about the hero. A deadbeat what? Give us more of a clue of what kind of battle this will be. A deadbeat space engineer/computer hacker/cat burgler – something that indicates what skill he will need to use, and therefore what kind of battle it will be.

      • 0