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kbfilmworksSamurai
When a decorated cop discovers his wife is dying of cancer he sets out to rob a bank to give her the holiday of a lifetime.
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Structurally, the logline is okay. But the premise? The cop is a villain: having a loved one with a terminal illness doesn’t give him a moral pass to violate his oath and the law.
I agree with dpg. I can see the story work if the cop is in essence flawed and has to pay penance for this crime at the end of the story but to make this work, you’ll need to build a better case.
You can plant the seed of the cop’s weakness – use his connections and his perceived integrity to make the robbery work – in the logline, that way the moral flaw becomes a part of the story and we have hope that he redeems himself.
Unfortunately the loved one dying of cancer is not really a unique case… What makes this case so special? Special enough to take this action??
The second act is all about the bank robbery I assume but nothing is mentioned about this in the logline. So we only really learn about his DECISION. But what is the genre? What to expect about the 2nd act, which makes up the bulk of your story?
Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I’m wondering if you’re against the idea of the protagonist as a bad guy? Or, if you’re in favour of a bad guy who redeems himself? I only ask because ‘The Godfather’ is about the character – Michael – an idealistic war hero who becomes the head of a crime family after his father gets shot.
“The Godfather” is based upon a tried and true dramatic formula — one worked out by the great Greek playwrights Sophocles, Euripides and Aeschylus over 2,500 years ago. (See Aristotle’s Poetics for the details.) It is a classic tragedy with a universal theme, the story of the downfall of a good man who, like Oedipus Rex in Greek mythology, is driven to make an error in judgement and consequently cannot escape his fate.
And this logline?
The movie was based upon a best-selling book. IOW, the concept had already been tested and proven to be extremely lucrative in the marketplace of publishing before being adapted to a movie.
Is this logline based upon a best-seller? Is the concept a proven money maker?
And btw, the stakes in “The Godfather” were infinitely greater than what appears to be at stake in this logline. To wit, what was at stake was not just the life of Don Corleone, but also the survival of the powerful Corleone crime family, its various businesses and the lives of all the Corleone men (and their associates and allies).
Phew!!!! You’ve got me all hot and bothered!
I routinely do that. My character flaw.
🙁
The cop in this logline breaks bad. If you can translate that into an interesting series or compelling movie, bravo.