Penpusher
Posted: 2015-06-16T00:04:05+10:00 In:

When a favour is called in a large amount of drugs is discovered missing by a ruthless crime boss, now a amoral rapper must elude his debtors or pay with his life.

The Big Tick

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    3 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      You have a passive hero. This is usually not good. What is the main character’s goal?

      be careful: a debtor is an entity that owes a debt to another entity.

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    2. Singularity

      >>When a favour is called in a large amount of drugs is discovered missing by a ruthless crime boss

      Confusing. I don’t understand exactly, clearly what the inciting incident is.

      And what FFF said. While the protagonist may be running away from something he must also concurrently be running toward something, a solution (objective goal) to his predicament. Dr. Richard Kimble in “The Fugitive” wasn’t just running away from the FBI to avoid being caught, he was running back to Chicago to solve the crime, prove his innocence.

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    3. ‘When a favour is called in a large amount of drugs is discovered missing by a ruthless crime boss, now a amoral rapper must elude his debtors or pay with his life.’

      I think what you’re trying to say is this: ‘After a ruthless crime boss discovers a large quantity of his drugs missing, the amoral rapper responsible for the theft must find a way to repay the debt or pay with his life.’

      Your story sounds very generic to me. Can you add something that would make your story unique?

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