When a gambling addicted stockbroker is framed for the murder of his wife, he has to team up with a con-woman trying to swindle him out of millions, and who?s been mistaken for his mistress, in order to clear his name or else his mobster father-in-law will have them both whacked.
danielplagensLogliner
When a gambling addicted stockbroker is framed for the murder of his wife, he has to team up with a con-woman trying to swindle him out of millions, and who?s been mistaken for his mistress, in order to clear his name or else his mobster father-in-law will have them both whacked.
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Lots of moving parts.? If not too many for the story, certainly too many to cram into a pithy?logline.
Trimmed? down to the bone?, the story line seems to be:? A stockbroker addicted to gambling must team up with a?female con artist?prove he didn’t kill his wife before his mobster father-in-law has him whacked.
How?various ?elements fit into the jigsaw puzzle of the plot aren’t obvious to me.? For example,
So his character is he’s a gambling addict.? How does that relate to the murder of his wife or the threat of his father-in-law?
The purpose of the character flaw is to increase jeopardy, to intensify the suspense, to make the character more vulnerable to the antagonist.? How does being a gambling addict make the stockbroker more vulnerable, more likely?to being framed for the murder?? And more vulnerable, more likely?to being whacked?
The character flaw should be inversely commensurate to the danger posed by the antagonist and/or dramatic problem.? That is, the antagonist and/or dramatic problem should attack the protagonist at his weakest point, his Achilles heel.
And then there’s the con artist.? How?does allying with a con artist help him?? What does she bring to the game — what strength, what skill — that will help him avoid being framed or murdered.
And what’s in it for her???Why ?would she want to help someone she is trying to con?? Why would she want to put her own life in jeopardy by rescuing such a loser from being whacked?
Have you thought of refocusing the story with the con artist as the protagonist?? All she wants to do is con him out of his millions –a simple objective goal .? But complications ensue when pulling off the con inadvertently causes her to get embroiled in his totally frigged-up personal life to the point she’s in danger of being whacked herself.
fwiw
I agree with DPG, the logline is a little busy
Dgp made a perfect review of this logline