Old Dogs
EethanSamurai
When a gang member triumphs murder charges in his grandson’s death several times, a retired mob boss declares war against a young and powerful gang leader for control over the city’s corrupt legal system.
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Hello, try to make to logline clearer…
are?the “gang member” and?”young and powerful gang leader” the same person? If say write the logline in a way that makes it clear.
“”When a gang member triumphs murder charges in his grandson?s death several times”-> this can be said in a?smother way,?(don’t say ‘several times’ since it’s just the one more?time that pushes the main character to act.
As FFF said, the wording is confusing. ?Who is the protagonist? ?Who is the antagonist? ? And what does “triumph murder charges” mean?
I too am confused by this log line. ?It’s the sentence structure. ?The first sentence uses the words “triumphs murder charges”. ?I know what you mean by this, but it takes thinking about. ?This story seems to be about two rival criminals fighting over control of a corrupt legal system. ?Right now that’s not very clear. ?Also, I’m not sure I’m right about what I think this film is about. ?I’d like to be sure.
“When the murderer is of his grandson is acquitted, a retired Mob boss declares war on the man responsible a viscous young gang leader and his only choice is to put his old hit squad back together.”
When his grandson’s murderer is acquitted, a mobster comes out of retirement to get revenge on the murderer and the corrupt politicians who fixed the trial.
(26 words)
Dpg nailed it.