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jamesmichaelPenpusher
When a government Space station is taken over by a terrorist organisation, its paper pushing engineer must escape to help protect both his wife and national security
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This seems to have the potential of “The Hunt for Red October” where a regular guy is forced to do extraordinary things. Everyone relates to that and probably accounted for the popularity of both the book and the movie
So, making our wormy engineer at odds with both space (Is it his first time? He’s there because someone who was supposed to go got sick?) and the situation (Maybe he had an embassy posting some years ago and happens to know the language the terrorists, or some of it?) makes him more vulnerable and everyone can relate to that.
Certainly better and clearer in this case. I still think there’s a wasted dramatic opportunity in not setting the central conflict in the station itself …. But … If you have some intricate answer to that question, I recommend you save it for when a producer or exec asks you about it (a half-way competent LA one will!), rather than encumber the logline with it.
The revised logline is confusing. A prison on earth, controlled by a space station? The original logline was simpler. It was obvious to me that escape was a feasible and worthwhile strategy. Some hint of a character flaw and transformation arc would help.
Steven you make some interesting points. As a result I have tried to change the logline a little to focus more on the fact that indeed the terrorists have taken his wife hostage on earth and his goal is to escape the station in order to save her:
“When space station, that powers a high-tech prison on earth, gets taken by a terrorist organisation its paper pushing engineer must escape upon learning that the terrorists have taken his wife hostage back on earth”
On the plus side, the basic ingredients are here: Isolated and ill-equiped protagonist has to deal with strong antagonists.
Upon closer consideration, however, some questions arise that undercut the concept’s saleability to producers and exec’s.
Firstly, why must the engineer merely escape the station, rather than slink within it and try to stop the terrorists “Die Hard” style? The slinking scenario promises much more dramatic and conflict potential. Whereas just escaping seems a bit of a cop out.
Secondly, why is mentioning the (presumably earthbound) wife even relevant here? If an agent of the terrorists is holding her hostage, for example, that should be mentioned or implied in the logline. (Which might make the engineer’s escape plan more understandable.) Then again, maybe not: Perhaps keep the focus on the situation in the station entirely.
Thirdly, there is a question about why would terrorists bother to take over a space station. Such an operation would be a big feat to pull off [assuming this story is set in the present era]. If, for example, the baddies are going to plant a nuclear warhead in the station, then that is definitely worth mentioning in the logline! (Certainly the mention of any nukes invokes a lot more reader interest.)
On balance, the logline needs to be sharpened a bit. For example: “A scrawny engineer that is minding a space station is forced to hide as terrorists break in and set up a nuclear bomb. With help days away, at best, he must skulk, stalk, and stop them.”
Steven Fernandez (Judge)
Just curious, How does the main character escaping help protect his wife? Is she on a different space station? Does he need to get to her?
Just a question I had when reading the logline. Good luck with this!
Sounds like a pretty interesting idea. I find it odd that an engineer could be a paper pusher though. When I think of engineer I think of someone doing the work and fixing and designing machinery. I think the part about the terrorists taking over the space station sounds interesting though. It makes me wonder why terrorists would be interested in a space station.