KINDRED
When a group of Indigenous people is abducted by aliens, Warrun leads a breathtaking escape from their Earth-orbiting spaceship, only to learn the shattering truth of their origins.
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Is this better than the one above?
I prefer this one, but without knowing your own genealogy, I’d be very careful about how you wrote something like this.
thanks – we are, consulting all manner of Indigenous protocols, a cultural liaison, and being very careful not to reference, denegrate or change any specific customs or beliefs.
This idea is good but the logline a little messy.
“When a group of indigenous people are abducted by aliens, a young warrior must lead their escape before the ship leaves our solar system forever.”
that’s a plot change – the ship has no intention of leaving with them.
I understand but you haven’t given us an “Or”
They must escape “OR” this bad thing will happen. Will they be used for experiments? Will they will be used as slave labor? Will they be butt probed?
What will happen if they don’t escape?
One more thing:
“only to learn the shattering truth of their origins. ”
This sounds like a big reveal, I wouldn’t put that in the logline. Just like I wouldn’t put “Only to discover he was a ghost all along” in certain famous movies logline.
Don’t foreshadow the big reveal.
i appreciate the opinion but we don’t say WHAT the ‘truth’ is. if we did, that would be a reveal. without being specific, we haven’t actually revealed anything, we’ve teased. which i think ups the excitement.
You are nudging the audience and saying. “Look, something is about to happen.” that isn’t good. Don’t tell us the conclusion of the movie. Tell us what leads up to the conclusion.