Daytime Noise
When a hard-partying rockstar is kicked out of his band due to a drug addiction, he starts giving guitar lessons to fund his habit.
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Furtherless & finally:
It seems to me that Implied — but not explicit — in your concept is the notion that when he begins to give guitar lessons to pay for his habit, he will be forced to engage with the human species in (for him) a radically new way. Heretofore, he’s been exploiting people, selfishly reveling in superficial, transitory relationships with masses of people on stage and meaningless one-night stands with girls in bed.
Now as a teacher, rather than a performer, he must learn to give, to engage in deeper, long-haul, one-on-one relationships with his students. One of which should be meaningful, perchance, transformational.
There’s a “B” story lurking somewhere in your idea, but I have no idea what you have in mind.
A logline is supposed to focus on the “A” story, of course, the struggle for an objective goal, but in doing so it can suggest the “B” story. Because the “B” story is usually the key to success (or failure) in the “A” story. And the potential for an interesting “B” story is what attracts me to your concept, keeps me coming back to post on it.
fwiw
Furtherless & finally:
It seems to me that Implied — but not explicit — in your concept is the notion that when he begins to give guitar lessons to pay for his habit, he will be forced to engage with the human species in (for him) a radically new way. Heretofore, he’s been exploiting people, selfishly reveling in superficial, transitory relationships with masses of people on stage and meaningless one-night stands with girls in bed.
Now as a teacher, rather than a performer, he must learn to give, to engage in deeper, long-haul, one-on-one relationships with his students. One of which should be meaningful, perchance, transformational.
There’s a “B” story lurking somewhere in your idea, but I have no idea what you have in mind.
A logline is supposed to focus on the “A” story, of course, the struggle for an objective goal, but in doing so it can suggest the “B” story. Because the “B” story is usually the key to success (or failure) in the “A” story. And the potential for an interesting “B” story is what attracts me to your concept, keeps me coming back to post on it.
fwiw
>>drug addiction does really affect job performance within the creative arts, even as a teacher.
Depends on the drug. Which was not revealed in the logline, hence, the question as to the credibility of the premise in that respect. But now that you’ve revealed that he’s a heroin junkie, the question is moot. It’s been well documented that as long as they can obtain their fix, it is possible for heroin addicts to maintain their careers.
>>drug addiction does really affect job performance within the creative arts, even as a teacher.
Depends on the drug. Which was not revealed in the logline, hence, the question as to the credibility of the premise in that respect. But now that you’ve revealed that he’s a heroin junkie, the question is moot. It’s been well documented that as long as they can obtain their fix, it is possible for heroin addicts to maintain their careers.
>>All the criticism you put forward towards my loglines would apply to anyone of those
Yep.
Did any of those loglines win the competition?
Do you want to write a logline that gets lost in the pack with 99 other loglines, or do you want to write one that stands out, that runs ahead of the pack and wins the race?
Have you read the guidelines given at the Scriptshadow sight for what makes a good logline?
If you study the examples in the Scriptshadow guidelines as well as the example in the guidelines offered by the host of this site, Karel Segers, you will notice that both agree: a good logline states the protagonist’s goal in causal relation to an inciting incident.
That is, there is a direct cause-and-effect link between the inciting incident and the protagonist’s goal. Because X happens, the character does Y. Conversely, in the logic of drama, no X, no Y: no inciting incident, no objective goal.
What is the “inciting incident” established in your logline? The protagonist gets kicked out of the band.
What was his goal before he got kicked out? “In his mind, the only goal is to get more heroin”
What is his goal after he gets kicked out? “In his mind, the only goal is to get more heroin,”
So, the “inciting incident” changes NOTHING in regard to that goal. He was pursuing the next fix before he got kicked out. He’s still pursuing the next fix after he gets kicked out. So getting kicked out of the band isn’t the inciting incident because it doesn’t create or change the protagonist’s goal. It’s incidental to his addiction rather than inciting.
More specifically, getting kicked out of the band is a complication; it makes it harder for him to obtain his next fix. It changes the means to support his habit, not the end.
If your story is about a character who maintains his habit through the course of the movie, I think that has interesting possibilities — if that means that the monkey on his back is the burden he bears while pursuing an objective goal that is more than scrounging up money to keep carrying the monkey on his back.
>>All the criticism you put forward towards my loglines would apply to anyone of those
Yep.
Did any of those loglines win the competition?
Do you want to write a logline that gets lost in the pack with 99 other loglines, or do you want to write one that stands out, that runs ahead of the pack and wins the race?
Have you read the guidelines given at the Scriptshadow sight for what makes a good logline?
If you study the examples in the Scriptshadow guidelines as well as the example in the guidelines offered by the host of this site, Karel Segers, you will notice that both agree: a good logline states the protagonist’s goal in causal relation to an inciting incident.
That is, there is a direct cause-and-effect link between the inciting incident and the protagonist’s goal. Because X happens, the character does Y. Conversely, in the logic of drama, no X, no Y: no inciting incident, no objective goal.
What is the “inciting incident” established in your logline? The protagonist gets kicked out of the band.
What was his goal before he got kicked out? “In his mind, the only goal is to get more heroin”
What is his goal after he gets kicked out? “In his mind, the only goal is to get more heroin,”
So, the “inciting incident” changes NOTHING in regard to that goal. He was pursuing the next fix before he got kicked out. He’s still pursuing the next fix after he gets kicked out. So getting kicked out of the band isn’t the inciting incident because it doesn’t create or change the protagonist’s goal. It’s incidental to his addiction rather than inciting.
More specifically, getting kicked out of the band is a complication; it makes it harder for him to obtain his next fix. It changes the means to support his habit, not the end.
If your story is about a character who maintains his habit through the course of the movie, I think that has interesting possibilities — if that means that the monkey on his back is the burden he bears while pursuing an objective goal that is more than scrounging up money to keep carrying the monkey on his back.
So should I try and make my logline something more along the lines of “After a hard-partying rockstar is kicked out of his band due to a drug addiction, he must learn to live in the real world, poles apart from his previous life in the fast lane”?
Although, I thought that, based on what a drug addiction is, it would make pretty clear what 1) is his goal, 2) is standing in his way and 3) just what he’d be like as a teacher. In his mind, the only goal is to get more heroin, but it’s also what’s standing in his way of a real life, as is the case with any addiction. And, while he may or may not be a good teacher, drug addiction does really affect job performance within the creative arts, even as a teacher.
I dunno, maybe I’m misunderstanding what loglines are. I mean, here’s a handful of loglines from the Top 100 entrants in the Scriptshadow logline contest:
“Two gay men from San Francisco move to a small Wisconsin town to open a sushi dance club.”
“An Internet billionaire returns to his hometown to deliver the keynote speech at his old high school’s graduation.”
” Three struggling funk musicians get framed for the murder of a circus clown, thrusting them onto the mainstage of an underground clown war.”
All the criticism you put forward towards my loglines would apply to anyone of those, so is that competition just bad, and misunderstanding what loglines are?
So should I try and make my logline something more along the lines of “After a hard-partying rockstar is kicked out of his band due to a drug addiction, he must learn to live in the real world, poles apart from his previous life in the fast lane”?
Although, I thought that, based on what a drug addiction is, it would make pretty clear what 1) is his goal, 2) is standing in his way and 3) just what he’d be like as a teacher. In his mind, the only goal is to get more heroin, but it’s also what’s standing in his way of a real life, as is the case with any addiction. And, while he may or may not be a good teacher, drug addiction does really affect job performance within the creative arts, even as a teacher.
I dunno, maybe I’m misunderstanding what loglines are. I mean, here’s a handful of loglines from the Top 100 entrants in the Scriptshadow logline contest:
“Two gay men from San Francisco move to a small Wisconsin town to open a sushi dance club.”
“An Internet billionaire returns to his hometown to deliver the keynote speech at his old high school’s graduation.”
” Three struggling funk musicians get framed for the murder of a circus clown, thrusting them onto the mainstage of an underground clown war.”
All the criticism you put forward towards my loglines would apply to anyone of those, so is that competition just bad, and misunderstanding what loglines are?
What will_zappy said. If his drug addiction made him an unstable, unreliable performer, how can he be a stable, reliable teacher?
And as Richiev said, it’s more of a situation than a plot. In a plot when an critical circumstance changes, the character is forced to change in some way; he may resist it initially and ultimately he may fail, but either way the new circumstances won’t let him off the hook for the consequences of a flaw or personal issue.
But as this logline is written, there doesn’t seem to be a character arc. His situation changes — but he doesn’t. He goes from being a drug addict who supports his habit by performing to a drug addict who supports his habit by teaching.
I see some raw ore for a story here, but I think it needs refining and polishing.
What will_zappy said. If his drug addiction made him an unstable, unreliable performer, how can he be a stable, reliable teacher?
And as Richiev said, it’s more of a situation than a plot. In a plot when an critical circumstance changes, the character is forced to change in some way; he may resist it initially and ultimately he may fail, but either way the new circumstances won’t let him off the hook for the consequences of a flaw or personal issue.
But as this logline is written, there doesn’t seem to be a character arc. His situation changes — but he doesn’t. He goes from being a drug addict who supports his habit by performing to a drug addict who supports his habit by teaching.
I see some raw ore for a story here, but I think it needs refining and polishing.
Do drug addicts have that level of concentration & organisation that they can give music lessons?
Do drug addicts have that level of concentration & organisation that they can give music lessons?
I agree with Richiev. My first reaction was: ‘so what?’ Did his addiction get in the way of his teaching? Did one of his students help him get off the drugs? Was he in danger of losing his teaching license? What’s the story.
I agree with Richiev. My first reaction was: ‘so what?’ Did his addiction get in the way of his teaching? Did one of his students help him get off the drugs? Was he in danger of losing his teaching license? What’s the story.
At the moment this is a situation not a story. A story would occur when he has a goal and something stands in his way.
At the moment this is a situation not a story. A story would occur when he has a goal and something stands in his way.