When a mysterious predator ?disappears? an over-curious bushwalker, the legend of the River Country reawakens, and his friends find themselves tangled in the complex web of the town?s dark past, testing relationships, mateship, loyalty and true love.

If there is a word that should be eliminated from the logline dictionary is ‘mysterious’. I used it too, I understand, but this wrod means nothing so it’s a waste of precious psace in a logline.

I think the previous version was better because it was shorter and clearer.

Start with the ending then imagine the main steps to arrive to this ending, then write the logline (you didn’t have to give away the ending but the ending will guide you in writing the main steps).

And the steps ust be well connected. A bushwalker disappears. So? What is the link with the “complex web” and the “dark past”? A bushwalker disappears and his brother organise a search in the woods, this I can understand.

Avoid things that are vague like dark past and complex web.

Anyway, I think that you have understand that writing is re-writing, and I’ll be pleased to read your new versions (try to do your best to make them good 🙂 )