Bad Blood
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
When a remorseful vampire is mortally wounded by a ruthless hunter, she leads a team to steal a clean-blood serum from a high security processing facility in order to heal herself for the sake of her four-year-old son.
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“Or did she become a vampire after her son was born? Now she?s trying to save herself so she can be a normal mother again. Is that what for the sake of her son? means?” This one.
The protagonist was dying of cancer, diagnosed shortly after giving birth to her first and only son. After traditional treatments failed or didn’t produce the results she was looking for, she started looking online for alternatives – some way to stave off death in order to continue being the (sole) provider for her child – which is where she met the vampire that turned her. There’s a whole arrangement worked out between them – it’s not necessary to the logline but I’ve got it figured out.
“Or did she become a vampire after her son was born? Now she?s trying to save herself so she can be a normal mother again. Is that what for the sake of her son? means?” This one.
The protagonist was dying of cancer, diagnosed shortly after giving birth to her first and only son. After traditional treatments failed or didn’t produce the results she was looking for, she started looking online for alternatives – some way to stave off death in order to continue being the (sole) provider for her child – which is where she met the vampire that turned her. There’s a whole arrangement worked out between them – it’s not necessary to the logline but I’ve got it figured out.
Definitely hear you guys, and thank you so much for the help.
Unfortunately, the universe of the film is one in which humans are generally unaware of the existence of vampires. If it were her son (who is not a vampire) who were injured, she could just take him to an emergency department at a hospital and the problem would be resolved fairly mundanely. It’s got to be her that gets hurt, and she can’t go through normal channels to heal.
Point taken about reducing unnecessary points in the logline.
Definitely hear you guys, and thank you so much for the help.
Unfortunately, the universe of the film is one in which humans are generally unaware of the existence of vampires. If it were her son (who is not a vampire) who were injured, she could just take him to an emergency department at a hospital and the problem would be resolved fairly mundanely. It’s got to be her that gets hurt, and she can’t go through normal channels to heal.
Point taken about reducing unnecessary points in the logline.
I’m willing to stay with the original concept, primarily because “a remorseful vampire” suggests it’s a fable about redemption. (And I’m a sucker for redemption stories.)
But I’m uncertain as to what the operative rules are in this imagined world. Does the premise entail a rule that vampire women can reproduce? And if so, wouldn’t that entail that her son would be a vampire also?
Or did she become a vampire after her son was born? Now she’s trying to save herself so she can be a normal mother again. Is that what “for the sake of her son” means?
Is the ruthless hunter the antagonist? What about the villainous vampire who infected her? Or did she volunteer, the vampire who gave her the fatal bite was only facilitating her own reckless decision? Does “remorseful” means she regrets her choice?
I’m willing to stay with the original concept, primarily because “a remorseful vampire” suggests it’s a fable about redemption. (And I’m a sucker for redemption stories.)
But I’m uncertain as to what the operative rules are in this imagined world. Does the premise entail a rule that vampire women can reproduce? And if so, wouldn’t that entail that her son would be a vampire also?
Or did she become a vampire after her son was born? Now she’s trying to save herself so she can be a normal mother again. Is that what “for the sake of her son” means?
Is the ruthless hunter the antagonist? What about the villainous vampire who infected her? Or did she volunteer, the vampire who gave her the fatal bite was only facilitating her own reckless decision? Does “remorseful” means she regrets her choice?
Good idea Richiev – having the son be the one she needs to get the blood for in order to save him works even better.
Good idea Richiev – having the son be the one she needs to get the blood for in order to save him works even better.
I think you are on the right track with having the son in the logline, I would up the steaks even more and have the son gravely wounded.
I think you are on the right track with having the son in the logline, I would up the steaks even more and have the son gravely wounded.
You’ve got most of the structural elements in place (inciting incident, goal, stakes), but there are a couple of things that may help tighten up your logline:
1. Relate the adjective describing your MC to the story. What is she remorseful about? And what does this have to do with the story? It seems a word like “resourceful” or “desperate” would better describe her with respect to the situation she faces.
2. Remove “from a high security processing facility”. It takes up too many words in what should be a clear, succinct logline. Just say something like “to steal a highly-guarded blood serum” instead.
3. “for the sake of her four-year-old son” is a nice selfless goal, but it’s ancillary to her direct goal of saving herself. You might be able to word this better.
“After being gravely wounded by a ruthless vampire hunter, a desperate newborn mother leads a team of fellow vampires on a mission to steal the rare and highly-guarded blood serum that can save her.”
Hope this helps – good luck
You’ve got most of the structural elements in place (inciting incident, goal, stakes), but there are a couple of things that may help tighten up your logline:
1. Relate the adjective describing your MC to the story. What is she remorseful about? And what does this have to do with the story? It seems a word like “resourceful” or “desperate” would better describe her with respect to the situation she faces.
2. Remove “from a high security processing facility”. It takes up too many words in what should be a clear, succinct logline. Just say something like “to steal a highly-guarded blood serum” instead.
3. “for the sake of her four-year-old son” is a nice selfless goal, but it’s ancillary to her direct goal of saving herself. You might be able to word this better.
“After being gravely wounded by a ruthless vampire hunter, a desperate newborn mother leads a team of fellow vampires on a mission to steal the rare and highly-guarded blood serum that can save her.”
Hope this helps – good luck