Posted: 2014-01-16T21:32:43+10:00 In:

When a stern principal asks a new teacher to look over a specific child the new teacher finds herself in the middle of a family breakdown.

Second Chance

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    4 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      Being specific in a logline is the name of the game. Therefore, what does ‘look over’ actually mean?

      What’s the teacher’s goal? To protect the child from a violent father and/or mother? We need to know what it is the teacher must achieve by the end of the story.

      Also, what’s at stake for the teacher? What could she lose? I don’t see anything. I am a teacher and if I identify an at-risk student due to family issues, I simply have to report it to the relevant staff within the school and from there I’m no longer permitted to get involved because a) it may affect my impartiality towards all students b) I, like many regular teachers, simply don’t have the specialist training required to handle such situations.

      Because of this, you need to somehow make it personal for the teacher, otherwise there’s no way she would get involved. Just being instructed by your principle is not enough motivation.

      Hopefully these are helpful pointers to guide your thoughts 😉

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    2. Singularity

      It appears that the teacher is the lead character, I would change the logline to reflect that.

      “When a new teacher is asked to look after a troubled but gifted student…”

      Always begin your logine with the lead if you can.

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    3. Singularity

      In the logline, the teacher comes off as passive: She’s asked to do investigate rather than take the initiative herself, and she “finds herself” rather than does something.

      Edgewater’s statements based upon his experience suggest a better way to generate dramatic conflict: 1] She takes the initiative to investigate — doesn’t wait for someone to ask her. 2] She chooses to get deeply involved in spite of official policies and procedures.

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    4. thats a good suggestion

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