Sign Up Sign Up

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sign In Sign In

Forgot Password?

If you'd like access, Sign Up Here

Forgot Password Forgot Password

Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.

Captcha Click on image to update the captcha.

Have an account? Sign In Now

Sorry, you do not have permission to ask a question, You must login to ask a question.

Forgot Password?

To see everything, Sign Up Here

Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.

Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.

Logline It! Logo Logline It! Logo
Sign InSign Up

Logline It!

Logline It! Navigation

  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
Search
Post Your Logline

Mobile menu

Close
Post Your Logline
  • Signup
  • Sign Up
  • Logline Generator
  • Learn our simple Logline Formula
  • Search Loglines
kbfilmworksSamurai
Posted: May 3, 20132013-05-03T01:41:57+10:00 2013-05-03T01:41:57+10:00In: Public

When a suitcase full of 'dirty money' falls from a balcony along with a Japanese businessman, a penniless young Londoner steals the case, a Yakuza enforcer is sent to track him down and an epic battle begins on the streets of East London.

Strife

  • 0
  • 3 3 Reviews
  • 716 Views
  • 0 Followers
  • 0
Share
  • Facebook

    Post a review
    Cancel reply

    You must login to add an answer.

    Forgot Password?

    To see everything, Sign Up Here

    3 Reviews

    • Voted
    • Oldest
    • Recent
    1. Nicholas Andrew Halls Samurai
      2013-05-05T11:50:25+10:00Added an answer on May 5, 2013 at 11:50 am

      I think storyutbildningen’s version of the logline is tighter.
      “When a penniless London raver (?) gets his hands on a suitcase full of money, he must escape the Yakuza agent sent to retrieve it.”

      Which reveals to us a gap in the logline – WHY? Why must he escape? Why not just give it back? Why should I feel sorry for him, just because he’s poor, if his life is in danger? Perhaps he’s not just penniless – the threat of a Yakuza enacted death needs to pale in comparison to the fate he will suffer WITHOUT the money.

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    2. dpg Singularity
      2013-05-03T06:57:05+10:00Added an answer on May 3, 2013 at 6:57 am

      kbfilmworks,

      In view of your many iterations of the concept, what’s the itch you’re trying to scratch?

      What is the one essential aspect of the concept that hooks–and keeps hooking — your interest, that you are trying to distill and bottle in the logline?

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp
    3. storyutbildningen
      2013-05-03T06:16:05+10:00Added an answer on May 3, 2013 at 6:16 am

      While I like the idea and setting you need to streamline your logline here. There are simply to many words. The essence, all you need, is “when an event happens, the Main Character must do X”.

      “When a penniless young Londorer get’s his hands on a suitcase full of money, he must flee the suitcase owners; the Yakuza.”

      If I where you, I would problably try to add an “or else” scenario. And how will the “battle” in east London happen? Will he try to escape, fight them? What must the character do?

      Hope that helps =)

      Gustaf/Storyutbildningen

      • 0
      • Reply
      • Share
        Share
        • Share on Facebook
        • Share on Twitter
        • Share on LinkedIn
        • Share on WhatsApp

    Sidebar

    Stats

    • Loglines 7,997
    • Reviews 32,189
    • Best Reviews 629
    • Users 3,710

    screenwriting courses

    Adv 120x600

    aalan

    Explore

    • Signup

    Footer

    © 2022 Karel Segers. All Rights Reserved
    With Love from Immersion Screenwriting.