The Fishbowl
Paul ClarkeSamurai
When a washed up plumber gets abducted by an automated alien spaceship, he must use his particular set of skills to save himself and the planet. (FOR MEETUP)
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Sounds like a good idea for a scifi comedy.
The MC description is really good it plays on a double meaning and hints at comedy at a very early stage.
WELL DONE!
This is a comedy right?
Only thing I would add as a change would be to specify a single goal; either save his own life or the planet. Preferably make him need to save the planet and make it clear that its earth at that.
Also better to specify a sentient being as the antagonist as appose to a machine this gives him an antagonistic relationship with contrasting motivations as appose to a struggle against a programing code. Unlike A Space Odyssey or The Terminator I don’t think this story will be dealing with existentialism, the meaning and value of life.
Sounds like a good idea for a scifi comedy.
The MC description is really good it plays on a double meaning and hints at comedy at a very early stage.
WELL DONE!
This is a comedy right?
Only thing I would add as a change would be to specify a single goal; either save his own life or the planet. Preferably make him need to save the planet and make it clear that its earth at that.
Also better to specify a sentient being as the antagonist as appose to a machine this gives him an antagonistic relationship with contrasting motivations as appose to a struggle against a programing code. Unlike A Space Odyssey or The Terminator I don’t think this story will be dealing with existentialism, the meaning and value of life.
I like this logline… Not sure what a washed up plummer is but other than that. great job
I like this logline… Not sure what a washed up plummer is but other than that. great job
Thanks Nir,
Great comments. It is more like a tongue in cheek thriller than straight out comedy. I originally described him as a downtrodden plumber, but found it amusing to refer to him as “washed up”. Maybe it’s setting the wrong tone.
His primary goal is to save himself, but in doing so he would also save the planet. It felt a little light with just himself. I might have to work on a way to make it sound more dangerous. Which also relates to your last comment. There is no Alien or sentient being. It is simply a craft of advanced technology. I don’t want to imply there’s something there that’s not, but I also want to up the danger and the stakes.
I also included a wink at a certain popular thriller franchise, again tongue in cheek, but also to give it that thriller taste. But I don’t think it’s working.
Thanks Nir,
Great comments. It is more like a tongue in cheek thriller than straight out comedy. I originally described him as a downtrodden plumber, but found it amusing to refer to him as “washed up”. Maybe it’s setting the wrong tone.
His primary goal is to save himself, but in doing so he would also save the planet. It felt a little light with just himself. I might have to work on a way to make it sound more dangerous. Which also relates to your last comment. There is no Alien or sentient being. It is simply a craft of advanced technology. I don’t want to imply there’s something there that’s not, but I also want to up the danger and the stakes.
I also included a wink at a certain popular thriller franchise, again tongue in cheek, but also to give it that thriller taste. But I don’t think it’s working.
I like it a lot! But I can’t think of it as a thriller. There can be some thrills but your logline promise a certain amount of irony and comedy. It’s not just the “washed up”, it’s the plumber: I can’t take it as a full serious hero. To set a thriller tone you should pick a pipeline engeneer, a miner, a sewer worker… Why not change the tone of the movie into an action/comedy?
Hey Paul,
I actually like the “washed up” description. It’s a set of words that relates back to what a plumber does (washing drains out, working with water) but it also implies the downtrodden aspect that you were going for but with a bit more interest.
I can see Nir’s point about an antagonist and yours as well, but I would follow your own instincts which is that there needs to be more danger, so “an automated alien ship hurdling towards Earth,” or “an automated alien ship set to self-destruct,” anything which creates a high stakes force that your plumber is working against would be right.
In addition, I’d always go with the higher stakes option in terms of what’s being saved, at least from what you have here. In other words, saving the planet is much higher stakes, plus there’s a level of fun irony that’s inherent when a “washed up plumber” uses his skills to save the entire planet and not just your bathroom toilet.
Great idea!