Penpusher
Posted: 2013-05-27T09:48:01+10:00 In:

When a wealthy benefactor gets insulted by a homophobic employee, she threatens to close down a community-center unless the culprit agrees to coach her son's team of misfits- a gay soccer team.

The Ramblers

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    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Who is the main character, the benefactor or the culprit?

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      The irony feels a little forced; do homosexual-only sports teams exist? How old is her son?

      What makes the homophobic employee suitable to coach this soccer team? (As in, what benefit does the benefactor and the team get by coercing the homophobe to coach the team?)

      Who is the protagonist? The benefactor or the homophobe?

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      I am going to change the perspective a little see what comes up:
      —–
      “When a homophobic community center employee insults their biggest benefactor, He is told if he doesn’t coach her gay sons misfit soccer team to the championship she will pull her money from the center.”
      —–
      I am not that thrilled with the word ‘told’ in my attempted, but I didn’t think ‘ordered’ was quite right either.

      Hope that helped; however if the wealthy benefactor is the lead, then ignore this. Good luck!

      • 0
    4. Penpusher

      The culprit

      • 0
    5. Penpusher

      NAW

      Thanks for questions.

      Yes- gay only teams and leagues exist…
      Protagonist is the homophobe (who obviously will arc into a good and all accepting guy). Was thinking of having him be an excellent soccer coach/ or excellent coach from another sport and the team’s only chance of improving. Its an idea in progress..
      Thanks,

      • 0
    6. Penpusher

      R
      Actually I like this suggestion especially as the culprit is the protagonist of the (soon to be written) script.
      Cheers

      • 0