Hologram
When a young computer prodigy discovers he exists in a virtual world, he reprograms reality to save his father with cataclysmic consequences.
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The most recent draft of the logline is too long and includes too much redundant detail. What is the specific plot beats you need to make this story work?
Inciting incident is the discovery of living in a computer generated world.
The goal is to either live with his parents again then is is to save the world.
I think saving the world is a bigger stake and therefor think it would make for a better goal. As such the inciting incident needs to instigate him to need to save the world. Perhaps all of humanity live happily in a computer and are fully aware of it to. Then the inciting incident can be his discovery that the digital universe he lives in is falling apart and as a result needs to take action.
Your logline is too complicated. It makes my brain hurt. Just state the thread of the story.
After an orphaned computer geek loses his parents, he tries to bring them back to life using complicated mumbo-jumbo.
Hope that helps.
From reading your comment I feel like the original logline almost has 2 inciting incidents.
It seems that the reprogramming of reality should be the inciting incident which leads to the goal of trying to fix what went wrong and save their reality.
Okay good stuff. Does this clear it up and get it away from the matrix?
An orphan teenager discovers he is living in a computer simulation, he reprograms his life so that his parents are alive but it sets off a series of simulation failures and threatens to shut down the universe. While the world is pixelating around him he must enlist the help of a secret society of hackers to repair the glitch and save their reality.
“?young?” is not a good description for a MC as it is too vague and generic in nature. What is his flaw that he must over come to achieve his goal?
Secondly does he alone exist in a virtual world or all of humanity either way this is way too Matrix or Tron for comfort, if you get my drift.
What are the “…cataclysmic consequences?” specifically?
Such an open ending description of the climax leaves the genre and scope of the story unclear. For example it could mean the universe will collide upon itself but also it could mean that he only affects his lineage and erases himself in the process. Both of these outcomes could make for an interesting climax but vastly change the story.
Ultimately the logline describes a down ending with no hope, is there a more positive spin you can put on the ending of the concept as it sounds rather dire and un appealing currently.
Hope this helps.
Hello, “When a young computer prodigy discovers he exists in a virtual world”, this is matrix, but the main problem is here: “he reprograms reality to save his father with cataclysmic consequences”.
What is the logic that links a computer prodigy, the virtual world and the life of is father? Until this logic is perfectly clear the story is not ok.