Winning State
RichievSingularity
When an honest high school football star kills a young woman while driving drunk, his morals are put to the test when those he respects cover up the crime.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
I agree with the other comments – I think ‘honourable’ is stronger than ‘honest’. But I think the concept is strong – it certainly sets up both the mental and physical in the story and you can see what the arc will be for the main character, so well done.
I agree with the revision of “honest” – perhaps “a principled football star”?
Also – his morals are put to the test is compelling, sure, but it doesn’t give an idea of what the bulk of the film is going to actually have him doing. Is he fighting them in court? Is he slinking by trying not to make a big deal of it? I think you need to be more explicit describing what he does, and what the stakes of failure are if he doesn’t do it.
I think this would be a very good story, because for me stories need to have a meaning into it and this story is a potential story.
Honorable works, thanks
I like the word honorable instead of honest.
Thanks for the reply Kriss, I haven’t seen flight yet, I’ll have to check it out.
Thanks for the input, I am using the word Honest because his instincts are to turn himself in but everyone around him, including his father and his coach tell him not to.
The lead and his friends were celebrating a huge playoff victory the state championship is the next game.
It’s been fifty years since their school has won state.
Going to the state championship is the biggest thing to happen to the small town in years.
After he hits the girl he goes into shock, his friends pull him back into the car and take off.
Now he just wants to confess but everyone around him keeps telling him not to.
First of all, this is a very good log line. It would probably sell ‘as is’ My only idea would be possibly to take out “honest” because it makes it doesn’t seem necessary and it makes it sound like most high school football star’s are liars (maybe thats just me though). Might try leaving out the specifics on the crime too so people want to read the screenplay to find out. Not that I’m trying to tell you how to write your log line or anything but perhaps something along the lines of…
“A high school football star’s morals are put to the test after his fans cover up his crime.”
Im not trying to say mine is any better, Im just tossing some ideas out there. I’m an amateur writer so take what you want from this review and pitch the rest in the trash haha. Happy Valentine’s Day 🙂
I think it does have legs. These are the kind of stories I like to write, full of irony and conflict simply from the logline. Like the premise for Flight (which is different when you see it) about the pilot who saves hundreds but it turns out he was drunk! Instantly it is full of dramatic irony and I think you have that here as well.
I think as the story develops the log line may change slightly but certainly think it is a good start. It could possibly be trimmed somewhere but I’m not sure where yet, possibly in the final line I reckon it could be slightly shorter and tighter but that would be my only small jibe.
Kinda testing this idea to see if it has legs.