Illegal Witness
When an illegal immigrant unknowingly films the murder of the star witness in a high profile drug case, he struggles to survive the drug ring who will do anything to keep him silent while under the care of a racist detective.
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I like the premise but the lead in your logline isn’t proactive. He “Unknowingly” films the murder and he “Struggles” to survive.
He needs a goal. Perhaps get the video to a specific person or find a way to blackmail the leader of the drug cartel.
Anyway, hope that helps, good luck with this!
What’s the significance of the protag being an illegal immigrant? At the moment this characteristic is having no effect on the story as he’s ‘under the care of a racist detective”. If he’s illegal then he would fear going to the police, wouldn’t he? That’s an important story aspect to consider because it will create good conflict.
The premise is interesting, I have problems with the “racist detective” and maybe is important because the protagonist is an illegal immigrant or it’s the detective.
thanks guys, will get back to the drawing board and let you see what else i come up with.
When an illegal immigrant [From Mexico?] unknowingly films the murder of the star witness in a high profile drug case, he struggles to survive the drug ring that will do anything to keep him silent while under the care of a racist detective. [Ok, we can assume that he went to the law enforcement officers on his own. Question, are you talking local police or F. B. I.? It should be the F. B. I. because of what you have so far. It would be their jurisdiction.]
Make the immigrant from Canada. You never hear about an illegal immigrant from Canada. You would also have to take into consideration that the official languages in Canada are English and French.