Gamer Girl
Houston ChorleyPenpusher
When an out spoken video gamer returns home to care for her injured father. She must enter into and win a video game tournament to keep her fathers farm.
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I think her being estranged is essential to the main plot. The estrangement is the emotional complication she must overcome in order to decide to rescue her father. Her stake in rescuing the farm is emotional — not financial.
Riff off the parable of the prodigal son. Only she’s the prodigal daughter.
fwiw.
In that case I would describe the inciting incident first as it is the major source of motivation for the MC.
For example:
After her father suffers a stroke an introvert professional gammer must assemble and lead a team of gammers to win a worldwide gaming tournament in order to pay for her father’s care and save his farm.
I think if you make the stakes his health they are higher than his farm alone and worldwide tournament increases the challenge as the competition would be greater than a local one.
Her being estranged is unrelated to the main plot it is likely a sub plot and can be left for the synopsis a this stage.
An outspoken video gamer must win a video game tournament to raise the money to save her father’s farm from foreclosure while he recovers from a stroke.
Hi Nir, I think the Inciting Incident is the father’s stroke, because with out the stroke she doesn’t return home and there is no need to save the farm.
Her major character flaw: is her inability to lead. She must be the one to lead this team to victory.
these are list possible flaws I think she has.
Day dreamer, shy, complacent, insecure, irresponsible.
What is the inciting incident? As in what makes her want to gather a team and win the tournament?
Was it her father’s sickness or the foreclosure? Either way pick one and specify that as the starting point for the story that kicked it off. This way the reader will get a clearer idea of where and how the story begins and where it could go.
Also what is her major character flaw that she needs to overcome? Would be good to add this into her character description to allude at her inner journey and character trajectory.
Hope this helps.
I love this last one, would love to see it directed by Kevin Smith 🙂 starring the Dogma cast with Salma Hayek in the lead role, Alan Rickman standing in for the late George Carlin as the father, team of Brian O’Halloran, Jason Mewes, Chris Rock and of course Kevin Smith. 😀
When a video gamer returns home to care for her estranged bedridden father, She must gather a team of misfits to win a video game tournament to save her father farm from foreclosure.
Hey guys thanks for the critiquing The idea in my head at the moment is. She has been separated for her father through divorce. He has a stroke that injures him and thats what makes her come back to care for him. Originally she was going to be reluctant to compete, but through the comments I think maybe she should be active and trying to make a team. to compete.
I think Richiev is on the right track.
“When she discovers her sick father’s farm is on the brink of foreclosure; a gamer, shunned by her family, enters a gaming tournament to win the money to save her family’s home.”
Maybe something like:
Disinherited because of her lack of interest in the family farming business, gamer daughter returns home to save his father’s life by winning an online gaming championship?
Good stakes: saving the family farm. And I think Gabor is on the right track that daughter and father should be alienated. Maybe, he kicked her out of the house because she was more interested in gaming than helping him farm the land. She hated farming, ran away to the big city, bright lights.
However, I think the tournament should be HER solution. The gamer decides to enter the contest — no one asks her. The irony would be that she will save the farm and heal the breach between her and her father by the very means that created the breach.
fwiw
Hi Houston,
I very much like the idea of online gaming coming into the movies (however this is just an opinion, that could result in one ticket at the box office – but at least one! :-), it is amazing to know that there are a lot of people watching online WoW and other world championships, from a producer’s POV I think that makes an audience to rely on. So I am positive on the basics!
On the logline:
– I would change outspoken to a more meaningful expression in this context, a synonim for careless/lazy/doesn’t-care-much attitude, or run-away…
– Probably the father’s injury could somehow be pushed to more extreme, like dying father. Might be his last wish for the girl to come home
– Finally the stake could be higher (OK, I know this is content), e.g. the treatment costs for the father that could save his life
Something like:
Run-away Sarah became a gamer abroad against her father’s will. Now she comes home to see her dying father. Mother asks her to enter for a prized video game tournament to pay the most expensive treatment that could save his father’s life.