Running with the Land
FFFMentor
When an ambitious underdog makes a pact with the devil, each time he accepts to restrain his freedom to go to some place, the devil grants him a wish, but as he buys his rise in society, his world become smaller and smaller, until he realizes the real consequences for him, his relatives, and humanity and that he needs to break the spell.
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When a schemer deals with the Devil to restrain his range?of travelling each time he rises in society, the world shrinks until he realizes the consequences and he needs to break the spell.
Well, it seems to me the logline is a little long.If you could ,try and reduce it to say 30 words.
Nope. Who gave him the guy the authority, the power to “give away the world”, piece by piece?
If your story involves the character of Lucifer, than it entails (implicitly or explicitly) the character of God. And I should imagine that God would have a thing or two to say about the situation.
Not only don’t I understand the plot, I don’t get the dramatic point. What’s your theme?
I think I’m still not enough clear but I don’t know how to write it. The point is the quality of the original bargain: the main character gives away peace by peace the whole world; he starts from far countries where he doesn’t plan to go, but he becomes greedy and always unsatisfied until he is confined in a city, then in a neighboroud, a house, a room… he understands that his destiny was to stop a series of big misfits and starts to use his wishes to make amend but the room left is never enough. I think it’s a very original concept. After each wish, the space available is reduced, this can be very thrilling. Is any of this clear?
Still confusing. It seems to be a story in the mold of the Faustian bargain, someone makes a pack with Devil, doesn’t read the fine print or the price tag until it’s too late. But what’s so special about this story, what differentiates it from all the other stories about people who are greedy and foolish enough to make deals with the Devil?
Thanks for the feedback. I see it was not clear so I rewrote it –
I’m confused, unable to make heads or tails of the logline.
Not sure of the story. Is it his rise in society at all costs, is it the relationship with real estate agent or is it the impact on other. What is his ultimate goal?
The story is unclear in this logline.
Plus selling real estate having an impact on humanity? The consequences don’t easily link to the story as described.
Wish I had more specific suggestions.