Logliner
Posted: 2016-12-03T08:14:05+10:00 In:

PALEO When her boss at a wild game restaurant turns into a Neanderthal, a vegetarian waitress must solve the puzzle of evolution to escape with her life.

PALEO When her boss at a wild game restaurant turns into a Neanderthal, a vegetarian waitress must solve the puzzle of evolution to escape with her life.
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    8 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      This is a good concept in my opinion. It’s not clear why the waitress should help his boss (can’t she just run away?) – anyway I think there are many ways to upgrade this logline, it just needs some work. Good job! And good luck!

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    2. Singularity

      It’s a comedy. ?In that genre, the rules for the use of magic are looser.

      For me, the big question to answer is not HOW the magic can happen but WHY? ? What has either the girl or the guy or both done wrong — character flaw — that has caused this “punishment” to be inflicted on their relationship?

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    3. Singularity

      Hey Octavia.

      Good points above, I think that it could use a description of the cause for the change. It seems a bit strange that out of the blue, with no major event taking place, the transformation happens.

      What was the magic that caused the transformation?

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    4. Logliner

      You have made me see a whole new realm of possibility here. THANK YOU!!

      TO THE LAPTOP!

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    5. Singularity

      Only her boss? ?Wouldn’t there be a stronger emotional motivation and higher stakes if he were her boyfriend?

      And she’s “only” ?a vegetarian? ?Why not making her a vegan — intensify a truly odd couple relationship. ?After all if you’re digging for a vein of comedy, isn’t an odd-couple romance the mother lode?

      So maybe something like:

      When her fiancee devolves into a Neanderthal while celebrating his stag party at a wild game restaurant, his vegan bride-to-be has 24 hours to evolve him back into the man she wants to marry.
      (34 words)

      I think it’s okay to go with Neanderthal because, hey, it’s comedy, folks and ?while Homo neanderthalensis did evolve separately from Homo sapiens, there is genetic evidence of some pre-historic hanky-panky between the two species. ? So there’s you’re quasi-scientific basis for the twist in the story: come to find out, he has got some of those Neanderthal genes in his DNA.

      The back story could be: ?1] He had vowed to convert to veganism after the marriage — this was to be one last carnivorous orgy; ? or, 2] He had converted to vegan while dating her but, under the influence of booze, fell off the wagon; or 3]He had been pretending to be a vegan while courting her, and now the truth comes out.

      Whatever, I think this it’s a concept with commercial potential.

      fwiw

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    6. Singularity

      “When her boss at a wild game restaurant is transformed into a caveman, a vegetarian waitress has 24 house to guide him through each step of evolution or he’ll stay a caveman for good.”

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    7. Logliner

      Thank you so much!

      How about ??.use the theory of evolution??? The point is that over the night the protagonist?s now-a-cavewoman-boss goes through discovering fire, tools, art. The protagonist finally realises that AGRICULTURE- i.e. feeding her grains and non-paleo food is the key to ?breaking the spell?.

      I only used Neanderthal because Homo Habilis just doesn?t have the same?. RING. But I see what you mean- the lesson of Neanderthals is ?don?t get killed and eaten.? I will try Cavewoman instead? Wish me luck!

      Thanks again.

      Octavia

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    8. Singularity

      I think this is an interesting concept.

      I would try to be specific though because i am not sure what, “must solve the puzzle of evolution” means.

      (On a side not. I don’t believe Neanderthals evolved. ?They were from a different branch from humans and went extinct)

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