Penpusher
Posted: 2023-05-28T14:57:28+10:00 In:

When her father’s charred body is found on the outskirts of their outback town, a headstrong teenager destroys evidence so that the town’s secrets will remain buried in the ashes; but when an exchange student is struck by meteor fragments carrying a mind-altering parasite, federal authorities quarantine the town and our heroine must solve a murder mystery before she is absorbed into the alien hive-mind.

This is what I had written before using the Logline Generator:

EXCHANGE

An outback town’s emergency response team struggles to contain a mysterious outbreak, when an exchange student is struck by meteor fragments carrying a mind-altering pathogen. As federal authorities quarantine the town and ramp up investigations, the school deputy is found burned to death and his two kids become desperate to keep the town’s secrets buried in the ashes.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The word ‘When’ usually describes an inciting incident.
      You have two ‘when’s’ in your logline, indicating two inciting incidents…
      This is a logline issue. (Or perhaps a story issue)
      (Sorry I copy-pasted this, but you have to watch out with the word ‘when’)

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    2. Penpusher

      Ah cool, thanks Richie

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