Logliner
Posted: 2015-05-23T02:46:38+10:00 In:

When his bride loses her memory of him a week before the wedding, an unromantic guy's guy must restore it by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments or face losing the love of his life.

Altered

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    9 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The first option in the last draft of the logline is too wordy for a logline, best to get to the plot quicker than try and over describe the elements in the story. Example: “?love of his life?” = bride, “?rough around the edges guy’s guy?” = “?guy’s guy?”

      Providing that losing ones memory is a credible premise in the story shouldn’t she need to loos memory of him not their courtship. Forgetting how they got together is not such a big deal as long as she remembers who he is and how she feels about him.

      Better for the story if she forgets him all together the stakes are just not high enough otherwise to make the story interesting for a romantic comedy.

      The second option of the last draft doesn’t describe a clear main action and therefor a clear plot. The term “…pulls out all the romantic stops?” is a vague description of action as the reader doesn’t understand how the MC will do what he does.

      I think the first option is better but needs to be leaned up.

      • 0
    2. Logliner

      Thanks so much for your comments, they have been very helpful. Let me know if either of these is an improvement?…
      When the love of his life loses her memory of their courtship a week before the wedding, a rough around the edges guy?s guy must persuade two icy bridesmaids to help him romance his bride to the altar.
      or…
      When the love of his life loses her memory of their courtship, a rough around the edges guy?s guy pulls out all the romantic stops to persuade her to go through with the wedding just days away.

      • 0
    3. Mentor

      very good LOVENESIA
      and the tag line “they’re to be married but she soesn’t know”

      If you want to go deep into comedy, it could be a rare disease, a kind of amnesia who shake lovers before marriage – watch ZEROPHILIA, about a rare genetic disease – I watched it just because of the title!
      In this film the shrink explain what is zerophilia and how to cure it, in your case the shrink can have the same role: he tells the rules to restore the memory so no more problem about medical realism, you just have to be true to the rules of your movie.

      • 0
    4. Logliner

      I would say a real solid logline. So now let’s say this guy gets lucky and he retrieves the needed memories in time, now I would make it a Comedy:

      For ones break the protag/antag title rules and:

      “LOVENESIA”

      They’re to be Married

      but she

      Does’nt Know

      After his bride loses her memory a week before their wedding, a guy?s guy must successfully propose again by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments before the ceremony.

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      Good point made by DPG he needs to start over again only the clock is ticking this time round.
      i.e:
      After his bride loses her memory a week before their wedding, a guy’s guy must successfully propose again by recreating their courtship?s most romantic moments before the ceremony.

      I would try to introduce an antagonist such as a crazy ex boyfriend the bride had who tries to take advantage of her memory lose.

      Hope this helps.

      • 0

    6. I did some research before writing the script and settled on retrograde amnesia. The MD in the script makes it clear that you can try to help it return, but there is no guarantee. This wording may need to be changed. Thanks.

      • 0
    7. Singularity

      What Rutger said.

      What we now know about how the brain creates — and loses — memories it’s not credible that he can restore her memories by repeating past actions and events. What’s lost is lost irretrievably; he’s got to start all over again.

      • 0
    8. Mentor

      Hello,
      this is a pretty good logline!
      There’s irony (a guy’s guy who need to repeat his romantic moments),
      an inciting event (the amnesia), a clear goal (to marry the girl).
      There’s a plan too: recreate their romantic moments- will it work? or not? that’s interesting.

      I recommend to find a better title whit some irony in it.

      I don’t have problems with the realism or unrealism of the amnesia- it’s a comedy right?
      Have you seen the horrible movie where Harrison Ford loose his memory and his wife become a stranger to him? Try to avoid the same errors 🙂

      You can improve your logline with a little rewriting to have a better writing style, making it even shorter and funnier. I would avoid ‘unromantic’ for 2 reasons: 1st, it’s implicit in “guy’s guy”, 2nd, you say he had romantic moments so it’s a bit confusing. I suggest to change “face loosing” with just “loosing”.

      Good luck,

      • 0
    9. Logliner

      What sort of amnesia?

      * Anterograde amnesia
      * Retrograde amnesia
      * Post-traumatic amnesia
      * Dissociative amnesia
      * Lacunar amnesia

      Controlling when someone is getting his/her memory back is stuff for movies, it’s not reality. You can’t predict how long it takes for someone to get his/her memory back, even if you help faith a bit..

      But I would say to this guy’s guy: Good luck!!

      • 0