D Forde
Louise WeihartPenpusher
When lonely long-haul truck driver D Forde falls in love online with a city writer and single mother, he must cross more than the Nullarbor to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.
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Ahhh well, now that’s SHAKESPEARE you are talking about lol 🙂
>>The dual protagonist
Yes! Why not dual protagonists? Rules are supposed to be tools, not strait jackets, right? If ever there can be an exception to the rule that there must be of one and only one protagonist, surely it is for the romance genre. Which is about 2 people struggling over the same issue for the same stakes: love.
More than other genres, romance is about relationship, a relationship that takes 2 to tango. After all, Shakespeare didn’t title his great play about 2 young lovers “Romeo”; nor did he title it “Juliet”. He titled it “Romeo and Juliet”.
Thanks guys. Really grateful for all your feedback. It’s very inspiring and encouraging 🙂
Jeez Tony! 🙂 I just read an article about having a big surprise at the end of Act 2 to propel the story into Act 3 … and feel like I am reading the end of Act 2 here … a big surprise that could spin my whole script into a new direction! lol The way you put it really could definitely work. On the other hand dpg, at an emotional level the truckie has so much more to lose, whereas the girl does not have much to lose at all though she is tied by responsibilities to children. Probably it should be dual protagonists but as this is my very first script I think I had better stick to one and to the one I have been building. I need to have a finished first draft for my course by mid-March!!!! Which is probably a good thing! Once I have that perhaps I can play with the dual protagonist or maybe even changing the protagonist …..
Fair points dpg… For some reason my sympathy leans towards the writer — again, it might come down to the fact that the risk for the writer seems to be a more tangible/ physical one compared to the truck driver, whose risk, whilst high, is emotional only. From what I’ve gleaned from the story there is no pressure for him to actually give up his trucking days …?
Also — I guess I’m seeing this from a genre/ audience perspective as well — sounds more targeted to a female audience — probably a generalization but a female protagonist just feels like it would be a SMOOTHER fit… Of course, if duel protagonists (like with something like When Harry met Sally…) maybe the logline could reflect that…
Two lonely hearts fall in love online, but struggle to overcome their clashing lives when one is a successful city journalist and the other a desert crossing truck driver.
A far cry from hitting the mark, but anywho…
Again, best of luck Louise — don’t mean to jump in at the bottom of the ninth and mess with your story, my points are influenced from a gut feeling that there is a true story behind this, and who better to drive that than the person who experienced it? You’ve obviously put in a lot of work on this over quite some time, and I sincerely wish you the best in seeing it through to it’s fruition.
Regards.
As usual, Tony Edward raises good points It seems to me that risk and change is required of both characters. Which is, of course, a good thing in a story.
The protagonist is the one who takes the greater risk, has to make the greater changes to his circumstances and character. So the question in my mind is: who takes the greater risk of their heart, their feelings? Who must struggle harder to overcome their status quo and their character flaw to make it happen. And as I understand the story, it seems to me the answer to both questions is the guy.
‘…trawl…’ not quite the word I was looking for… but hope you see what I mean 😉
Best of luck with your story.
HI Louise —
Just thought I’d add my two cents to this as there is something that has been plaguing me about your movie/ logline in all its iterations… from where I’m sitting I think the city writer might be more suited to being the protagonist, for the following reasons:
– If she goes from being a city dwelling professional to accompanying him on his interstate trawls it comes across as SHE is the one who must go through the most change — a clear indication of a suitable protagonist.
– Given the last point, it also seems as though she has more to risk — she is leaving her comfortable city life behind, and is risking this way of life for the love of a man who spends his life on the road… again, the character with the most to risk usually being the best fit for a protagonist…
– Not knowing if this story is based on a true story or not — but if it is (and is something you experienced) the film would certainly be better served from getting your unique insight into the experience… from your POV…(write what you know…)
Anyway — some food for thought.. (and of course my usual caveat of “below is not great as a logline yada yada yada…but seriously — it’s not, just something you could play with etc….”;) )
“A successful but lonely journalist risks her career and comfortable city life when she discovers true love on line with commitment phobic desert trawling truck driver.”
To capture the heart of his online love, a lonely truck driver must find a way to conquer the outback while battling his fear of abandonment.
Oh Yes! Of course, truck HAS TO break down/or he has to come across someone that has broken down! Had it in a very very early draft but not this one (go figure!). Would love to add more description in the logline but isn’t 30 words MAX!? Daughter/s (how many still to be decided) will definitely stay with the single mum (of course :-)). I feel the real missing link is a clever, fresh, new ticking clock …. btw: dpg: do you know D Forde by any chance. As it happens, he is one of the few truckies who doesn’t think he is too precious to do repairs on his own truck lol 🙂
Thanks guys, am so appreciating your feedback … I feel bits and pieces are starting to come together all over the place 🙂 🙂
I’m “whatever” in terms of the Nullarbor over the Outback if targeting to sell the story to an Australian production company. I like Outback better only because it suggests a greater distance he must travel to reach her — the size of an obstacle being the test and measure of his love.
And yes, in either locale, in the most remote, hostile place, the truck could break down. OR: he passes a vehicle that has broken down in the middle of nowhere. Which presents him with a dilemma. Being a decent bloke he turns back to help, using his skills as a mechanic to repair the vehicle as the clock ticks, ticks, ticks.
PS, If you want, you can drop that she’s a single Mum from the logline… but don’t change the character! A single mother character is awesome. Even bring the child in as a secondary character (either as comic relief, or as a “source of perspective and wisdom” when the going gets tough). You ever watch “Modern Family”? Heck, the kids are twice as smart as the parents.
dpg: Like you’re idea. Cross the nullabor… get the girl.
But what if… You’ve got 150km to cross, and an hour an a half to do it. Else you lose the girl for good. GO! GO! GO!
It worked for the Blues Brothers 🙂
Watch the gimmicks a little.
“When a long-distance truck driver falls for a city-dwelling single mum, he must cross the nullabor and (overcome his own fatal flaw) to win her heart (or else… something urgent)”
Suggest focussing on the flaw(s) of the main character. Something more than “introversion”.
Again, I’m guessing it’s in your script/story. Make it come out in the logline. Remember, there are no spoilers here. Get ’em HOOKED.
Up the contrast a little between the characters if you can.
A “country-music-banjo-playing beef eating” truck driver vs a “part-time nightclub DJ, paralegal city-dwelling vegan hipster single mum”. (Again, bad example, but am sure it’s in your script, transfer it to the logline).
Also, I think you need to find some sort of “urgency” on the story. Remember, a film is ~110 minutes. The story your logline suggests this plays out over 6-8 weeks, or more.
What if… there were urgency. Say these two people had been chatting online for a couple of months. He’s thinking of asking her to be his girlfriend. She’s not sure. She’s accepted an invite to a wedding (with some lecherous creep who’s totally not right for her).
The wedding starts in 109 minutes.
The truckie is 160km out of town.
He floors it.
…. HIS TRUCK BREAKS DOWN.
Drama, urgency, and still all the elements of your story.
Anyway, that’s just one (very bad) example. My point is, urgency. A ticking clock. Remember, it’s a screenplay, not a novel. You’ve answered “WHY”, but answer “Why.. NOW”
(Disagree with the others. Love “Nullabor”. It’s more specific than outback. If she lived in Adelaide and he drove a truck back and forth from Perth, the story makes sense. Any Aussie would know “Nullabor”. Unless you’re specifically pitching to a US market, I wouldn’t change it to “outback”)
I love you guys!!! 🙂
dpg …. an opposite to D Forde could be as corny as the ‘overseas assignment’ … i think what I am really missing here is an interesting, uncontrived [is that a word?] ticking clock.
Richiev: The perspective (POV?) has to be the truckie because this is also about the trucking industry and all those guys (and some girls) who keep the wheels of Australia (the US and even the UK) turning. But ….. hmmmm the love interest … what’s her deal!!!
Thanks guys from my heart from all your inspiration 🙂
Sorry, going to switch it up a bit just as a writing experiment:
—–
“After an optimistic writer meets a jaded truck driver online, she must convince him to trust in love once more or lose him forever.”
—–
Again; changing perspectives to try it out.
I still am not convinced you need to say he’s a “Long Haul” trucker because in the logline you talk about him crossing the Nullarbor (or Outback) which would imply “long haul” trucker.
That would work. Have you considered giving the truck driver competition — another suitor who is everything he is not? (Rich, well-educated,sophisticated, knows the difference between Monet and Manet, has a wine cellar stocked with the best years of the best Australian vintages, etc.)
Not yet .. but for the purposes of this .. how about …
When a shy long-haul truck driver falls for a city writer online, he must cross more than the outback to win her heart before she accepts an overseas posting.
I’ll have to lose some words and can only think of cultural divide, which I liked, but I guess it is implicit that an outback truck driver and city writer will face a cultural divide ….
Is there a ticking clock in your story, some complication that adds urgency to his quest?
Thank you SO much guys! As you know I have been working on this for months and months. Thanks to you and feedback from meetups in sydney as well as from Karel Segers, I think I am very close now …… I guess shy as the flaw suggests that there is a lot to overcome in terms of self-confidence, fear of rejection, even abandonment …..?
When a shy long-haul truck driver falls for a city writer online, he must cross more than the outback to bridge the cultural divide and win her heart.
Hey, Louise! My take is:
When a shy long-haul truck driver falls in love online with a sophisticated city writer on the other side of Australia, he risks all to cross the Outback and the cultural gap that separates them to win her heart.
Notes:
I changed it from Nullarbor to Outback in order to increase the physical risk and effort he must make, is willing to undertake — that’s how besotted with love he is.
I chose “shy” rather than “lonely” because the latter is a problem while the former is a character flaw. And I described her as “sophisticated” to suggest another obstacle — their contrasting/clashing backgrounds and socio-economic status.
As did Richiev, I dropped “single mother” to tighten it up. My thinking is it that while it’s great for the story it isn’t necessary for the logline. But I kept “online” because I think it is a key catalyst.
Hope this helps.
Since you are writing a story based on actual events, I’m simply going to consolidate what you wrote to reduce the word count.
—–
“When a lonely truck driver falls for a disenchanted city writer, he must cross more than the outback to overcome his fear of abandonment and win her heart.”
—–
I changed Nullarbor to Outback because I have no idea what Nullabor is 🙂
Great logline! For me, I think having “D Forde” in it is unncessary and clutters it a bit. Also, not sure what Nullarbor is so may want to substitute a more generic word for that one.