Deadline
Jonathan_PeacePenpusher
When obsession turns to murder, writer Joe Pittman must find and stop the one responsible for turning his dreams into a nightmare, before his secret can be revealed.
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>>When obsession turns to murder
Whose obsession? The writer’s, I’m assuming, but It’s not clear to me.
>>writer Joe Pittman
The character’s name is not usually part of a logline. What is usually a part of a logline is an adjective (or 2) about a character flaw that creates doubt (hence, suspense) as to whether the character can overcome the adversity, reach his objective goal.
>>turning his dreams into a nightmare
What does that mean? Nightmare or nightmares? Literally? If it means what I think it means then aren’t his dreams nightmares to begin with? This totally confuses me.
>>his secret is revealed
What’s at stake? That is, so what if his secret gets out? What difference will it make? What’s the jeopardy? Who will suffer as a result?
I sum, I just can’t get a handle on what the story is about.
>>When obsession turns to murder
Whose obsession? The writer’s, I’m assuming, but It’s not clear to me.
>>writer Joe Pittman
The character’s name is not usually part of a logline. What is usually a part of a logline is an adjective (or 2) about a character flaw that creates doubt (hence, suspense) as to whether the character can overcome the adversity, reach his objective goal.
>>turning his dreams into a nightmare
What does that mean? Nightmare or nightmares? Literally? If it means what I think it means then aren’t his dreams nightmares to begin with? This totally confuses me.
>>his secret is revealed
What’s at stake? That is, so what if his secret gets out? What difference will it make? What’s the jeopardy? Who will suffer as a result?
I sum, I just can’t get a handle on what the story is about.
I have no idea what your story’s about, because you seem to use a lot of words to say nothing.
Specifics will pique the readers interests far more than generalities.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
I have no idea what your story’s about, because you seem to use a lot of words to say nothing.
Specifics will pique the readers interests far more than generalities.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
Thanks for the feedback guys. You were absolutely right – lots of words but nothing really said. “When his agent is killed, a troubled writer with a dark past must find and confront an obsessed fan before they can kill again.” seems to work bettr.
Thanks for the feedback guys. You were absolutely right – lots of words but nothing really said. “When his agent is killed, a troubled writer with a dark past must find and confront an obsessed fan before they can kill again.” seems to work bettr.