Penpusher
Posted: 2013-06-10T12:43:05+10:00 In:

When the body of the Mayor's son is discovered on the reservation and a young indian is accused, the local cop must go back to his own Indian culture to solve the case and learn to accept his own heritage.

The Jumpers

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    10 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      I think the story is intriguing – if nothing else, seems we’re all in agreement about that. (So definitely write this bad boy!)

      I think Tony’s version is tighter, but agree with him that “uncovering more than the case” doesn’t work particularly well. So maybe try working the beginning of his logline draft into a new version of your own?

      Great work Louise.

      • 0

    2. That hank you for your valuable opinion.

      • 0

    3. I appreciate the comment! Thank you

      • 0

    4. Thank you for taking the time to comment! Am working on a shorter log line!

      • 0

    5. Thank you!

      • 0
    6. Singularity

      Good point dpg

      • 0

    7. Hi Louise50,

      I agree with what’s been mentioned above — I think it’s great. I can pretty much see this; it’s intriguing, it has depth, stakes are mega high… I really like.

      Taking what both Jean and dpg have mentioned above, a revised logline pretty much writes itself — but FWIW:

      “When a young Indian is accused of killing the Mayor’s son, a local (something?) cop must revisit his own Indian culture, uncovering more than just the case.”

      ‘…uncovering more than just the case’ is admittedly a tad corny.. not quite right… but it’s at 26 words without the protag’s flaw, 27 with, down from 41 in your initial post.

      also — opening with the accusation of the young Indian hopefully doesn’t skew focus off the cop, but from what I see the accusation is the inciting incident in terms of the cops story — the discovery of the body is the catalyst TO the inciting incident and you can get away with just leaving that moment to the screenplay… just IMO.

      Best of luck with this.

      • 0
    8. Singularity

      >>and learn to accept his own heritage.

      Seems extraneous to the logline (but not to the story).

      • 0
    9. Penpusher

      I think so!

      I think about two movies I’ve seen close to this plot:
      – “In the heat of the night” with Sidney Poitier
      – “Just cause” with Sean Connery
      and about an other one in wich the subplot is:
      – “In the electric mist” with Tommy Lee Jones.

      These three stories take place in the South (Louisiana or Mississipi) on a background of racism.
      But in these the hero is not directly concerned by the murder:

      – Sidney Poitier is a black cop from philadelphia who is there by chance and helps out the local sheriff
      – Sean Connery is an attorney who defend a black man sentenced to death for moral reasons
      – Tommy lee Jones is a sheriff who investigate about the murder of a black young man he witnessed when he was a boy, upon an other enquiry.

      What is interesting in your story is the journey of your hero to the roots of his cultural and social heritage. This can be a great movie.

      I think that we could find something close to that in some old westerns (I don’t remember wich ones), but it was not dealt with as we would today. I’ll search.

      Can you make your logline shorter?

      • 0
    10. Singularity

      I think this has the potential to be a great film.

      • 0