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MichaelHagPenpusher
Posted: August 25, 20132013-08-25T10:18:13+10:00 2013-08-25T10:18:13+10:00In: Public

When a young bride of an American couple living in Italy is surprised by a pregnancy, she will do all she can to hide the baby bump before her homesick husband decides to pull the plug on her Tuscan paradise and her budding art career.

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    5 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2013-08-25T10:52:51+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2013 at 10:52 am

      Saying “Wife of an American couple is a little bit confusing.”
      —–
      “When a young bride discovers she’s pregnant, she conspires to keep it from her husband so he won’t pull the plug on their Tuscan paradise.”
      —–
      My attempt isn’t perfect but it does cut the word count without changing the meaning.

      (My question is, why would the husband want to leave? They have hospitals in Italy)

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2013-08-25T11:32:08+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2013 at 11:32 am

      Not sure of the significance of the mama’s boy description, is there a reason for him to be a mama’s boy in the logline?

      Also if she “discovers” the pregnancy she presumably is a month and a bit in to it, which means she has at least a month if not a little more before she starts showing. Would another month on holiday in Italy not be enough?

      Regardless though even as a comedy this kind of feels lacking as a story worthy problem. Can the stakes be a little higher? What would happen that would be really bad if the husband’s family discovers she is pregnant?

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    3. MichaelHag Penpusher
      2013-08-25T12:36:30+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2013 at 12:36 pm

      This is purely a logline, no script yet! My attempt at a romcom concept. I’ve tried to raise the stakes.

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    4. wilsondownunder Penpusher
      2013-08-25T13:37:15+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2013 at 1:37 pm

      Hi,

      It might be even funnier if she hates it in Italy but her husbands overbearing family want them to stay. Learning that she’s the baby making factory they’ve been waiting for will apply even more pressure for them to stay – hence she wants to hide the pregnancy.

      It depends what your protagonist is aiming to learn on the journey. Is it that she doesn’t need art if she has love, to be less selfish, to value family more?

      Good luck

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    5. SLClibra
      2013-08-25T18:32:17+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2013 at 6:32 pm

      So she wants to stay, he wants to leave. Not sure why a pregnancy would immediatley throw it to his side of the debate…as Richiev pointed out, they have hospitals in Italy… Why does the husband want to return to the States? Family? A better job? What you need to do is pit his dreams against hers.

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