Logliner
Posted: 2013-02-06T04:07:20+10:00 In:

While following the leads after her missing brother, Rita arrives at mountain chalet. But instead of her brother, she finds a secret underground laboratory, full of horrific creatures trying to eat her.

Terror Lurks Bellow the Mountain Chalet

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      That attempt is a lot better, If you can find a way to do that in one sentence I think you’ll have it.

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    2. Thank you Richev. Every advice pushes me a little bit more forward:)

      How about this?

      While investigating her brothers disappearance, young pathologist Rita discovers a secret underground lab filled with horrific man-eating creatures. In order to survive, she must confront the monsters, and even her own brother.

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    3. Singularity

      Oops I meant “tenacious young woman,” not a “tenuous young woman,” hehe just re-read and caught that.

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    4. Singularity

      With loglines, it’s good to try to use the least amount of words possible; for-instance, instead of saying, while “Following the leads” “You could say while “Investigating” which means the same thing, but instead of three words you are using one.

      Also, this is only half a logline. You have told us who the protagonist is but you haven’t told us what she must do and what’s at stake.

      “While investigating her brothers disappearance, a tenuous young woman discovers a secret underground lab filled with horrific man-eating creatures, now she must…. (Then you add what she must do and what the stakes are)

      Now she must… save her brother and escape before they are both killed

      Now she must… destroy the lab before the beasts escape and terrorize her small town.

      Now she must… discover creator of the monstrosities and stop his evil plan before his nightmares are unleash upon the world.

      Hope that helped, good luck with this.

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