Wife Carrying
With Phillip feeling like Barbra has let herself go, he gets another heavy load on his back, literally, when he finds out that she has entered them into the Wife Carrying Contest in hopes that it will revitalize their marriage.
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I really don’t like the new motivation in this version of the logline.
“A husband feels his wife has let herself go.” will probably turn off every woman reading it. (And the purpose of a logline is to sell people into watching not turn them away)
I think you should stick with something like, “With their marriage struggling…” as the motivation.
I’ve heard yes and no so many times regarding the use of names in loglines, I’m not even sure what the “rules” are anymore.
It’s your logline, I say do what you like.
Thank you so much and your logline is perfect. Can I use names though, meaning Phillip only?
“When his wife lets herself go, her husband really begins
to feel the weight when she enters a wife carrying
contest, hoping it will revitalise their marriage.”
Since “wife carrying contest” is self-explanatory (maybe change “contest” to “race”?), the loss of a few superfluous words makes it that tiny bit shorter.
“When his wife lets herself go, her husband really begins
to feel the weight when she enters them in a
wife carrying contest, hoping it will revitalise their marriage.”
That’s 30, although, I think it can be shorter.
I had a feeling this was going to happen…
Now it’s too long.