Penpusher
Posted: 2012-09-06T15:19:36+10:00 In:

Years after his son?s murder, the leader of a vigilante gang trains a new recruit to take over his ?work?, but the young AWOL commando is on a mission of his own.

The Executor

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    11 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      I have some here, I’ll lend you a pair.

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    2. Penpusher

      You re right. Way too wordy. Where are the shears?

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    3. Logliner

      I like, a little wordy but your definitely going in the right direction.

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    4. Penpusher

      dude, how about:

      Years after his son?s murder, the hero leader of a vigilante gang trains his daughter?s new boyfriend to be son and heir to his gangland crown, but the young AWOL commando has plans to bring him crashing down?

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    5. Penpusher

      How about:

      Years after his son?s murder, the hero leader of a vigilante gang trains his daughter’s new boyfriend to be son and heir to his gangland crown, but the young AWOL commando has plans to bring him crashing down…

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    6. Penpusher

      nice input, thanks. His plan is to kill the gang boss who’s training him, in return for killing his dad.

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    7. Logliner

      Years after his son’s murder, a leader of a vigilante gang trains a new recruit to take over his ‘work’, the newcomer has plans that put the entire group in jeopardy.

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    8. Penpusher

      Or a ‘revenge’ mission …

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    9. Penpusher

      on a ‘killing mission’ of his own ? Maybe not give away the fact who he wants to kill …?

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    10. Penpusher

      yeh, good thought, will think on that… thx…

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    11. Samurai

      This sounds good to me. Is there a way to indicate the “mission” that the AWOL commando is on will come into direct conflict with that of the vigilante? If not, I’d say you’ve got it working pretty tight.

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